Monday, July 2, 2012

F.U.T.U.R.E. 2.N.E.1.

"What's good, niggaaaaaaaz?"

YG suddenly came way outta left field with a surprise upload of some female trainee footage. Like anything female that comes out of YG these days, it was met with a surprising amount of hate and vitriol from the rabid Blackjack legions. Why, you ask?


The video itself is nothing terribly different from the usual sneak peeks entertainment companies give to hype impending debuts. A little footage of some choreo rehearsal so people can see how skilled (or unskilled) their future oppas and unnies are, a clip of some karaoke singing for jjangbak vocals, and presto -- you've just artificially inseminated the minds of future stans and birthed a new rabid fandom out of the primordial muck that is the KPop Internet.

However YG, champion of the ORIGINAL and NEW and SWAGTACULAR and INNOVATIVE and GROUNDBREAKING and ORIGINAL and SWAGTASTIC and FRESH and DIFFERENT, just had to up the ante with this one.


Taking a page from his good ol' pal Kim Kwang Soo, YG decided to put his new knobpolishers girls on display for the world to see. Only 12-13 years old, these girls do a pretty good runthrough of some choreo for Usher's OMG, followed by some swagtacular (lol) cover of some song I still don't know but I'm sure it's very edgy and unique and fresh and a totally Western (but-not-really-cause-Western=America-and-all-American-music-is-sex/drugs-but-KPop-is-wholesome) track that no one knows about yet cause YG is cutting-edge “I’m Dat Chick” by Kelly Rowland.

The biggest issue the Blackjacks have with these girls is the fact that they've been labeled with FUTURE 2NE1. 

OMG WAT, FUTURE 2NE1 CHINCHA PAPA YG? CHINCHA? NO ONE CAN REPLACE 2NE1

Pressed Blackjacks quickly flocked to the usual social media outlets to vent.

Worldwide Trending Topic "Future 2NE1" 

WAS THIS ONE OF YOU GUYS? LOL
But everyone is pressed for no reason. Obviously YG meant Future 2NE1 to be F.U.T.U.R.E. 2.N.E.1. as an acronym for "FINDING ULTIMATE TRUTH USING REAL EMOTIONS 2 NURTURE EVERY1."
It's a shame that only the girl in the blue sweater and white shorts is cute (Oh god, Chris Hansen let me finish this article first), but they've apparently still got at least 4 years til we see them debut. Who knows, maybe the other girls will get some work done before debut. But for that one already-cute girl's sake, I hope they don't try to "improve her" like they did Park Bom.

No one deserves to be Bom'ed.

32 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. More like turned into a "Blow" up doll, babe.

      Delete
  2. I guess Chuck now has another real reason to despise YG now.

    Yankee-Wannabee Yang and KKS are effectively pedophiles and need to have their sausages sawn off. Blackjacks being butthurt again - probably will jack off at pictures of Bom to relieve their anger at Old Yang.

    I'm surprised my informers didn't get hold of this sooner.

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    Replies
    1. Shit. Zaku has exclusiclve news because eunhyuk stans the shit outta him. We cant rely on our fat spies to win news

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    2. Definitely we can't. It's time to hire some good ol' PMCs to do the job instead.

      Delete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. If he wants to troll harder, he should make a future Bigbang. One of them will have/fixed to have a resemblance of T.O.P. Pissed bitches will be pissed.

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    Replies
    1. Eh, it wouldn't make too much of a difference. VIPs see T.O.P. everywhere and get pissed off ANYWAY.

      They see him in every rapper with a deep voice. They see him in every male who wears shades. They see him in every rapper who has a higher-voiced counterpart in the same group. They see him in mustard stains on their clothing. They see him in the toast they eat.

      To these people, T.O.P is ~everywhere~

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    2. Do you see top everywhere?..cuz i dont

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    3. The same goes for snsd. Damn, sones will spot them in every girl group.

      Delete
  5. I applaud yg trolling tactics.
    Free promotion all the way
    And that many manycutesy isa regular troll.
    But then again yg stan doesnt have alot incompany fagwar eh?
    I waiting for future bigbang. Top gonna go to military. I hope yg bring some boys group too

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  6. I think u misunderstand the worldwide trend..
    Blackjack has stop the misunderstanding. And embrace to yg family.. Smh*

    ReplyDelete
  7. these blackjacks are anus munchers

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  8. OMG U GAIZ, DEM QURLS IS DEFINATELY TRUE ARTIST!!! So fuck you guys! Big bang changed the kpop scene forever and created a new genre! 2ne1 are all about female empowerment and each one is so talented, except for Dara! But if she was putted into SNSHIT, she would be most talent! Yeah, fresher vocals! G Dragon is a genius at composing song!! And poor Daesung, he ran over someone! My sympathy goes out to Daesung :( So yeah, SM are fake plastic idols, and JYPE are filled with untalented, ugly and gay idols like Sohee,Changmin, Jo Kwon! CL is the most baddest female inside the planet! Fuck u. Eat food eat food
    EAT FOOD BISHES.

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    Replies
    1. OH EMM GEE SUCK MY DEE, THNX BB QURL! <3333333333333333311!!

      Delete
    2. Aw.. Cassie.
      U know if ur joking with someones death. ...i dont even... ..
      Allow me to praise ur bias too

      Uh. Hmmm

      Dbsk are true musicians and entertainers.
      Yep doesnt follow sm at all
      (Full freedom contract!)
      Dbsk are the gods of kpop
      Hallyu wave? Japan got hit by a tsunami!
      No one could beat dbsk in japan. (cough*snsd)
      Yoochun is the greatest actdol eva~
      Jaejoong had some work done but atleast he admits it
      He has too much selfesteem to he admits its casually. not like yg or jypee

      Delete
    3. Yunho isnt dating her. Yunho is gay!.
      Only for jaejoong oppaa
      Yunjae forever relevant even if jyj betrayed homin oppars

      Delete
    4. Junsu has the best voice in kpop.
      Lipsync? Thats not in the gods dictionary!
      Watch they tokia dome concerts.
      Concert after concerts
      And still mantain that voice in tact
      Can ur oppas do that?

      Delete
    5. "Smstan: yg more to vocal(dafuq)
      Jyp more to dancing
      But sm covers all
      Dancings. variety,singing.and natural born beauties"

      First snsd suju and all of sm doesnt have anything done!

      After some facts and article

      "I dont care if s/he had worked done.Its ok. His/her personality is funny. She can sing. She still better than urs"

      "I believe all idols had cosmetic surgery.'(oh now u admit it)

      Delete
    6. Bommie plastic surgery = all nine goddess plastic surgery

      Bommie had more work done than the whole sm

      Omo 1= 9
      Smstan are geniuses

      Long post?
      Heres a potato

      Delete
    7. Sorry, Dang Young Bear, maybe I went a little too far with the Daesung accident. But anyways, Tl;DR your post. But yeah, even if Im a Cassie, I sometime call dbsk members ugly and untalented.

      Delete
    8. i call daesung ugly and seungri untalented all the time

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    9. Hehe, well our favorite groups can't be perfect. Jaejoong isn't hot, Yunho isnt the best dancer, Yoochun can't rap, Junsu isn't the best singer, and Changmin...who?

      Delete
    10. True. I donno why. But i always thot db5k as the perfect group.
      I guess when u like a group that much. U will know their flaws aswell.nobodys perfect

      Delete
  9. The girl who sings the Kelly Rowland song is pretty swaggy though.

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  10. Their whorish choreography brings me right back to my middle school cheerleading practices. Those were the days.

    I already see some major star power in the one in the white t-shirt and black tights.

    These girls have already got one up on their TWENNYWAN UNNIRS in the dancing department. I don't spot a useless pile of waste in sight *coughDaracough*. These girls gots mad potential. If I'm still into KPOP at age 27 I will definitely check them out.

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  11. Hopefully every single one of these girls are great at singing and dancing. I mean, isn't that what SM tried to do with exo? I already spotted a couple of deadweights in exo. How much member are there be in YG girl group?

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  12. Who the fuck thought this video would be relevant for more than a day?

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  13. Oh fuck I can hear it now "WE ARE PEDO TWEENY ONE" I bet suk would just cum in his pants when watching them

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