STRAIGHT OUTTA THE CHEAT'S EVIDENCE FILES: T-ERROR EDITION
You all know what happened. I don't have to write anything. This shit speaks for itself.
1. Hwayoung injures herself, can't perform much at T-ara's Japanese concert.
2. Boram, Soyeon, Hyomin, Eunjung and Jiyeon ambiguously and passive-aggressively diss Hwayoung on Twitter for being a lazy beach.
3. Hwayoung tweets something passive-aggressive and ambiguous in response.
4. Tarae (Hwadog's rap coach) tweets something entirely unambiguous and aggressive at T-ara, defending her student.
5. Hyodog (not to be confused with Hyogre) tweets supportive messages to Hwadog.
6. Hwadog tweets more ambiguously emotional stuff.
7. Meanwhile, CCM claims "T-ara would never write this catty nonsense and their accounts were...hacked." Nobody believes them, T-ara (minus Qri and Hwadog) look like beaches. Which they are.
8. Kim Kwang Soo (no relation to Kim Jong-il...I think) announces he will make an even BIGGER announcement on July 30th about T-ara (which Chuckus and Jakkuman will cover). Not sure why he didn't just make the BIG announcement...when he made the first announcement. But hey, he's a fucktard.
9. Hyomin changes her Twitter profile pic to a book cover that reads "Everything Happens For A Reason."
10. Boram allegedly unfollows Hwayoung on Twitter. Netizens claim "shit is going down, son."
So while Chuckus and Jakkuman are busy writing their male on male steamy collaboration about the T-ara controversy (pending THE BIG ANNOUNCEMENT), The Cheat has decided to compile evidence of T-ara's bitchiness. I knew there was I reason I didn't like these broads! Furthermore, as The Cheat is always cognizant of his audience's desire for baseless conjecture, The Cheat has also decided to come up with SIX conspiracy theories regarding this controversy and what it could mean.
Also, from now on, T-ara is known as T-error. Because they're not only frighteningly stupid, they're terrible AND they have seemingly destroyed their careers with an error in judgement. Plus, T-error sounds like T-ara.
Check it out after the jump.
|I call this macro "The Most Incompetent Girl Group in the World". Stay classy my bitches.|
|Thank Jakkuman for this one.|
2. T-ara's tweets were actually sarcastic, aimed at KKS in support of Hwayoung. But in a cunning move, CCM said the tweets were malicious in nature and T-ara's Twitters were hacked. Since nobody bought that bullshit, T-ara looks bad, while KKS' comments about the members being arrogant are being vindicated. Now he has an excuse to boot the members he doesn't like with tacit approval from the public who now think T-ara are bitches. Plus, in another cunning turn, he allowed Tarae and Hyoyoung (who were out of the loop) to think that the members were dissing Hwayoung, so the former two came to her defence, adding MOAR FUEL TO THE FIRE. *Manic Laugh* What a fucking trickster! He obviously picked something up from The Cheat.
3. This is all an elaborate and overly circuitous way of advertising T-ara's new venture. Only since CCM are absolutely idiotic at managing anything, it has or will backfire to a massive degree. KKS will announce "hey, this was just a marketing tactic" and Korea will collectively facepalm. T-ara's careers just got crushed by this genius of a man. Maybe it's a drama about the rise and fall of a major Korean girl group...BASED ON A TRUE STORY.
4. The other entertainment companies, both fed up with KKS antics and T-ara's moderate success, deliberately scheduled everything to coincide with T-ara's comeback so they'd get whooped in sales (Super Junior, 2NE1, Psy, Beast). Kim Kwang Soo, in all his genius, decides to start this controversy by hacking T-ara's Twitters, so they can become relevant again. Great plan, fuckface.
5. Similar to theory four and two, KKS ordered the member's Twitters to be hacked and their images destroyed. Now he can kick Eunjung, Soyeon, Boram, Jiyeon and Hyomin with no public repercussions, throw Hyewon and Hyoyoung into T-ara and have a great new group: Hwayoung, Hyoyoung, Areum, Dani, Qri and Hyewon. Only problem with this plan is that IT'S FUCKING INSANE.
6. The most anti-climatic theory, KKS announces that Dani's debut date has been moved up and she's now part of the group. Nobody gets kicked, no new members are added, nothing changes besides Dani's inclusion. Clap...clap...clap. Fuck that fat Korean pig.
|Did I ever tell anyone how I used to be an executive for Enron?|
THE BITCH SHOWCASE
In here, we see Eunjung taking perverse delight in stuffing Hwayoung's face full of rice. If it wasn't such a bitch move, there would be material for lesbian slash fiction here.
10:16 - Look at Eunjung's insidiously bitchy face.
6:40 in this video, Jiyeon disses Hwayoung. Bitch.
|"Hah hah! Look at that loser trying to get Boram to drape her arm over her shoulder!"|
|Jiyeon: Who's that bitch standing next to us to the right?|
Boram: No clue, I'm so fucking stoned right now.
|Chapter IX of the CCM Idol Training Manual: How To Physically Abuse Fellow Group Members In Public Without Drawing Much Suspicion.|
This shit is so good, I can't just display ONE popcorn GIF. I will display ALL OF THE POPCORN GIFS!
|Good thing I decided to be American! These Koreans are crazy!|
|Heh, we haven't had a controversy this juicy since I sued SM and left with all of Yunho's money!|
|You say T-ara are embroiled in a bullying scandal?|
|Man, and I thought *I* was crazy! Kim Kwang Soo makes me look like Wayne Brady! The REAL Wayne Brady, not the Chappelle Show one. Now HE was fucking nuts. Did Eunjung really have to choke a bitch?|
|The word of the day: T-errorism!|
|I'm too rich to feed myself, also, Cameron, I'm leaving you for Eunjunf.|
|MUST. KNOW. MORE.|
|I hope there's some angry makeup lesbian sex! I haven't seen anything this hot since Willow and Tara were fucking!|
|Wait, what? T-ara just destroyed their career after becoming one of Korea's top girl groups? People are caring about this more than my coming out!|
|Fuck the popcorn, I wanna see her nipple again!|
|Dayum, these bitches be TRIPPIN'!|
|Please T-ara, no! NO!!!!!! Don't throw it all away like that drink I had thrown at me for being a fuckwit!|
|Hey, this Roly-Poly shit is catchy!|
|Duh fuck is K-Pop?|
|CCM has a major girl group controversy? Shit, THAT'S never happened before.|
|T-error? Who cares, millions of old men fap over me everyday in America!|
|Damn, Sarah Michelle Gellar and Alyson Hannigan used to be so hot. Yeah so I couldn't think of a caption. What are you gonna do about it? That's what I thought. --The Cheat|
|T-error used to be sympathetic like I used to be Black. Also their careers are like me. FUCKING DEAD.|