Friday, July 13, 2012

[MV Review] Jo Kwon - I'm Da One

I'll admit, I was initially very excited for Jo Kwon's solo debut. Especially when he released his first batch of teaser pics and promised to perform in studded heels.

Then he released Animal as a hype single and I was blown away. "GODDAMN, THIS IS ONE TWERKTASTIC QUEENS' ANTHEM," I thought. "If this is what he considers a hype single, how much deeper into the LGBT rabbutthole is he going to crawl into??"

With high hopes in store, release date rolled around and we got I'm Da One. That steaming pile of shit.

I'm Da One is a somewhat unique type of MV we haven't really seen many of before. Or at least in modern times, for a mainstream release. It's a pseudo-musical type, where the MV itself is mostly storyline, but the exposition is done through the performance of the lyrics and choreo of the track. Sounds interesting in theory, but this is I'm Da One. That steaming pile of shit.

The general outline of the story: Jo Kwon is a king of some sorts, of a... happy land far far away. However, he is an arrogant prick (the irony) and his trusted minister throws his ass out. Jo Kwon then embarks on a quest (not really) to reclaim his throne as the rightful ruler of... the happy land far far away. I've prepared a series of annotated gifs that summarize the storyline below.

Jo Kwon doesn't give a shit about his appointments or running his kingdom, instead
preferring to frolic in song and dance with the young nobility at the castle.
His arrogance and narcissism knows no limit, even going as far as to bottle his
urine to sell as a "delicious" sports drink for public consumption. 
Jo Kwon gets some character development after seeing some poor people
begging at his palace, but is dethroned before anything happens.
Cast out on the streets, he gets a chance to see how the rest of his people live
in their filthy squalor.
Somehow, Jo Kwon is teleported from the slums around his palace to this wackass Greek
temple where he trains for Keebler Elfhood with his flamboyant Death Eater posse. 
Mastering the art of baking cookies and bringing joy to the young folk, Jo Kwon makes
a triumphant return to his people. Using his bottled urine drink from earlier, he transforms
the poor ghetto folk into obnoxiously dressed members of his posse.
The Minister finds trouble in paradise as he realizes being the only straight male
in a land of... happy people far far away sucks.
Jo Kwon confronts the Minister, and using his newly strengthened powers of song and
dance, defeats him and reclaims his throne.
Yeah, most of that was me making shit up in an attempt to compartmentalize and understand the stream of visual and aural diarrhea assaulting my senses. It's mostly a knock-off of tropes and plots we've seen before. MacBeth, Lion King, The Emperor's New Groove, the list goes on. Maybe I'm just bitter we went from Animal to this steaming pile of shit, but goddamn. Just... goddamn...

The outfits, the styling, the everything about this video is so obnoxious and ugh. Jo Kwon really should not be rocking that TOP-like minty hair.

Anyway, the song itself is (as you can imagine) not good. It's a mess of this saccharine fluffy pop that sounds like something you'd find in a Disney movie, only nowhere near as good. The chorus is alright, but the rest of the song is just ugh. The English is okay in the beginning, but as it progresses, it gets steadily worse and worse til it's full fledged Engrish. I could continue to list out the faults, but you get the point.

This song sucks. Go twerk to Animal instead.

I give this song a 1.5 out of 5.

EDIT: I didn't know where to insert this gif, but here's a nice new reaction gif if you wanna use it.

JYP went all out on the CGI budget, between this and the storybook bits of the MV.


  1. I'm surprised Jokwon had a straight minister to begin with.

  2. stfu.
    he not swaggajacking top at all
    jokwon is even straighter than u!
    he have the ovals to wear heels on his comeback!
    can ur oppars wear that?

  3. Every time I see his big eared, monkey face I wanna punch him. This song did not help.

  4. I don't get how some people find him handsome.
    I mean, just look at him...

    1. He is an goddess so STFU, bish and qo suck on a sock!!

  5. Seems like those 7 years were a waste of time lol

  6. Animal = badass awesomeness giving no fucks
    I'm da one = gigantic piece of elephant shit covered with Hyoyeon's vomit

  7. Really? I liked this song, which surprised me.

  8. gtfo jo kwon you massive twink.

  9. The song sucks. But from what I read, I can say that the author of this article is a gay, and not Jo Kwon.

  10. Thought all the songs were terrible. The MV looked like a CF.