The February honours list

The decadent Hollywood awards season is just about coming to a close as they all pat themselves on the back and give themselves more money. Awards seem to have greater value when they are only given out once a year, so I have decided to completely diminish their value by giving out monthly awards where I can praise the good, bash the bad, fap to the fappable, and generally do what I want. For the best and worst of each month, I will also add in runners-up so as not to piss anyone off by their favourite narrowly missing out. Enjoy my opinions. I know I will.

The tragic number: An exploration into how badly trios fail at being good

Every time I clap my hands, a seven member boy group debuts, every time I blink, a six member girl group debuts with either a fierce or cute concept depending on the result of a coin toss. From solo artists through to 204920491 member groups, there is some quality to be found somewhere in the K-Pop sphere, yet one number seems to have been forgotten by the gods of good music: 3. Whilst trios have succeeded in such irrelevant categories as making a lot of money, they have never passed the most important test of all: my opinion, and that's all that matters really. This is why I despaired when Tiny-G lost based Myung-Ji, I knew it wouldn't work and I went on to be proven right because Ice Baby was an ejaculate stain of a song. In this article I will be going through a series of three member groups and sounding off to whoever will listen as to why they are so bad. I will not be including sub-units because three member sub-units usually turn out quite well. It will be a thrill ride for all involved.

In Utero: The Hypnotic Power of Audition Shows

There are many ways to debut a group: some, apropos of nothing, will be thrust upon the unknowing public like a wet sponge in the hope that whilst their minds recover from the shock, they begin to bias them for lack of anything better to do. Others will have an HBO series-worth of teasers, so that we get very familiar with the face of every group member but know none of their names, making it like a lineup of prostitutes that you frequent. An increasingly popular trend is that of the audition show: now you too can see the process of what goes into selecting an idol group, that would be except for the fact that they are usually scripted and you can predict the winner from a fair distance away. The two key types of audition shows are as follows: the X-Factor-esque shows where simple schmoes like you can achieve their dreams of fame and fortune as quickly as possible, due to lack of idol training there is likely to be a propensity for vocal wankery. The other type is taking a group of trainees and violently executing those that fall behind the others. Being an expert in neither of these, I thought I would look at both to see what makes them so popular and if I should care. Let's bounce.

T-ara N4's American Album, featuring Chris Brown, announced!

Follow @PopularENT for all Tara N4 updates! Tara N4 US album cover artwork contest happening now. Submit your ideas now! Winner meets TN4!!
— Damuer H. Leffridge (@Damuer) January 15, 2014

The COUNTDOWN has begun! T-ara N4 US Album "Miss Understood" feat. Chris Brown, Wiz Khalifa, Ray J and more! STAY TUNED!!! #missunderstood
— Damuer H. Leffridge (@Damuer) January 15, 2014

This is going to be one bubbling hot mess.

Rain (tries) to get back into the game with "La Song" and "30Sexy"

Did Kim Tae Hee give you that kiss mark, Rain?

Rain recently took a break from fucking his girlfriend, Kim Tae Hee, to go back to his day job of "singing". I'm putting "singing" in inverted commas because Rain doesn't do much singing in his song "La Song" (rofl at the name). And whatever singing he does is generally not very good, "vocal God" my ass.

akisame's Top 10 Favourite Nugu Releases of 2013

As kpopalypse has said in his previous posts: 2013 has been a real downgrade for K-Pop this year. Most of what has been released sounds like an elephant anally raping Calvin Harris whilst he produces another piece of nu-disco trash.

Most of what has been released by my favourite mainstream k-pop acts (sans IU) has generally been quite shitty this year - especially coming from the likes of SNSD. After SNSD's release of the musical atrocity that is "I Got a Personality Disorder" I sought solace in many different nugu groups. Whilst the experience could somewhat be horrific (in the case of Dal Shabet), 2013 has been a year where the nugus have released some gems. After the jump is a list of my favourite nugu songs of 2013.

Before I start, I should make a few things clear:

• Musical composition is not my line of expertise.
• The list is solely based on my subjective opinion and does not reflect the musical tastes of other AKF authors.

Now let's get started! 

She's not on this list since she didn't released anything in 2013.

Fangirls and their Idiotic Slut-Shaming

Jessica's recent performance of Lee Hyori's "Miss Korea" sparked up the stupid fangirls to do what they do best: slut-shame. Slut-shaming isn't a new trend amongst the K-Pop community and happens every time a female idol does something that is considered "overtly sexual" by fangirls. There was a lot of slut-shaming going on when After School pole-danced and Girls' Day came out with "Expectation".

As a feminist I can understand where they're coming from. There's no doubt in my mind that women are exploited for the benefit of men in the entertainment industry, but slut-shaming totally goes against what I believe in. You don't just say that an idol is a slut, whore or a porn star just because she's acting sexy on stage or in a music video. That's totally unacceptable, especially since you don't know a thing about that idols personal life to even call her a slut.

Bom and Lee Hi Brutally Slaughter the Iconic "All I Want for Christmas is You" by Mariah Carey

It's so bad that I didn't even want to link/post the video on here as it doesn't deserve any more listens to and I want to save your ears.

(AKF note: Everyone, welcome akisame to AKF! She runs her own site here and is what we would call a "vocalfag" around these parts. I thought having a vocalfag would be a nice counter to the "compositionfags" that we have here in Kpopalypse and Ahjussi. I guess I would just be a "visualfag" since the idols looking hot is my #1 criteria when it comes to Kpop. She has also graciously offered to fix the glitches and bugs on AKF to make it run faster and gave this site a nice face lift. Just be glad I didn't enlist the help of Bom's plastic surgeon to design the site. Enough of my rambling, read the rest of akisame's article.)