Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The Giraffe Couple

With all of the news coming out this week about couple rumors, the AKF investigation team got to do their first work since Reehji stopped working them to death. Saddened by the fact that they couldn't sniff the tables and chairs that Hyorin and Bora rubbed their asses on any longer, the AKF investigation team knew they needed a bigger story than the ones that had come out this week. Victoria and Changmin are supposedly fucking just because Changmin showed up in a reflection of Victoria's spoon. The AKF investigation team knew they had their work cut out for them.

"Really, that's all the evidence they need to say two celebrities are dating? THIS SHOULD BE FUCKING EASY!"

Monday, February 25, 2013

f(x) Gets a New Member!

SM Entertainment decided to join the trend of adding new members to an already established group. This move shocked fans as it was completely unexpected. An official announcement has yet to be released, with only pictures of the new 6-membered group appearing after they attended a sponsored event.

 f(x), who hasn't done shit since summer of 2012, felt that to boost popularity, they would try adding a new member for "fans to love and accept".

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Midterms Suck Ass

AKF (at least me) is off for the week until midterms are over. You guys know the drill: hardly do anything the first seven weeks and then your professors troll the shit out of you. Then there's group projects where half of the members are too fucking lazy to do anything, so you have to spend time doing their work for them because they're useless fucks who shouldn't even be in college in the first place.


Here's a picture of Lee Min Jung being jjangbak; see you guys Friday.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Infinite's Sunggyu has great taste

Sunggyu picked Han Ye Seul as the woman he wants to be on WGM with. I can't blame the dude one bit, and anyone who has been reading AKF for a while knows that I think Han Ye Seul is jjangbakest of the jjangbak actresses in Korea.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

"Sexual Assault" is the BuzzWord of the Month

For better or worse, news of sexual assault have been very... prominent in Korean entertainment lately. There's Open World Entertainment's CEO Jang Seok Woo's predations on trainees. There's Go Young Wook's predations on underage trainees. There's Co-Ed's Kangho's unjust accusations of being a rapist resurfacing again. Most recently, Park Si Hoo is embroiled in a rape lawsuit that looks pretty much like a guilty charge. You can take a look through our colleague Asian Junkie's articles on the whole thing if you're unfamiliar with it all since I doubt we over here at AKF will dive into all that anytime soon because there's plenty of coverage.

Anyway, what caught MY attention was how quickly the whole idea of sexual assault has become a joke to Korean media. Why, you ask? Take a look at the recent media play made by Sunny Day's entertainment company.

Teen Top E-Thuggin It for New Teaser

Teen Top are soon to return to the KPop scene with a full-length album are revving up the good ol' hype machine to prepare. The latest teaser had me confused, then immediately embarrassed for them when it popped up in my various feeds.

Click to EXPAND
The concept must be e-thuggin', cause I can't think of any other reason why they would be dressed up in prisoners' coveralls and given these terrible usernames. For those of you unfamiliar with Teen Top:
  • CAP --> MUSTANG82
  • Niel --> FULLLIPS12
  • L.Joe --> GANGJOE11 
  • Chunji --> SCATTY77
  • Changjo --> WANNABESUN99 
  • Ricky --> OOMPH27
Yeah. I have no idea who came up with their names, but I want to give these guys the benefit of the doubt and say some bonehead on the PR Team made these up. I can't imagine anyone calling themselves SCATTY on purpose. And WANNABESUN99 ain't got no swag, dawg. I can't believe no one's has any alternating caps or Xs or even underscores! xXx_YoLoSwAg420_xXx or Xx_k0rEaPRYDEbLaZeIt_xX or Oo_69yinyanGGangsta69_oO have waaaaaaaay more swag than this shit.

Oh well, it could have been worse. I don't think anything will ever top Don't Spray Perfume's terrible teasers.

Dear Leader of my hair salon

In his infinite wisdom Dear Leader has selected 18 of the finest hairstyles ever created that eschew western decadence in favor of true revolutionary flair.

But do the curtains match the drapes?

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

[MV Review] Sistar19 - Gone, Not Around Any Longer

I realize that SISTAR19 made their comeback ages ago, but I never got a chance to review the MV til now. Sorry this is so late. l0l

WARNING: There's a lot of pictures/gifs/wordvomit, so give it a bit of time to load. Don't say I didn't warn you.


Jackie Chan making a kpop group

So yeah, Jackie Chan's Korean label is starting a kpop group.

Because when I think of kpop, I think of Jackie Chan.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

The best thing to happen in kpop so far this year

About an hour ago Min posted the Harlem Shake video she wanted to make (and did) on /r/kpop and while that's kind of fun in itself, this was the real gold:

International fans: We discuss the boners.

Park Bom Becomes "Prettier With Less Make-up" - Blows Mind of Everyone

Park Bom of 2NE1 recently shared some behind the scenes photos for an upcoming photo shoot for Allure magazine.

Park Bom tweeted on the 16th, “This cut will not make it into the magazine. Excluding the photos that got into the magazine, honestly there were a couple photos I really liked. That’s why! I’ll reveal a little to you all. Solo Bom in the March issue of Allure! Look forward to it.”

You know why they got cut? Cause they're ugly. Will CL even be in it, or will it just be a photo shoot of Minzy's butt and Dara's derpy (but gorgeous) face? 

Blackjack fans have commented:  
“Bom looks better with less makeup”
“You got prettier”

You know what makes a girl prettier in Korea?


Yeah, I went there. Your unnies are not as beautiful and flawless as you think. And sadly, Bom is probably the biggest offender when it comes to plastic surgery.

Monday, February 18, 2013

New Asian Female Girl Solo Incoming

So BILLBOARD recently sat down with 2NE1's CL to do a little interview where CL gibbed the gab and talked about 2NE1's future plans, shit like that.

Chocolate Abs Awareness Day

Our boss a long ass time ago was saying to me, "all of us male authors cater to our male readership with our fapworthy photos that we post. Maybe you, our female author, should cater to our female readership. Go find some chocolate abs or something". (note: Not transcribed verbatim. Pretty sure it went down a little more rudely with the word "bitch" and "I'm your pimp, ho!" in there somewhere. But he sounds really formal in my head).

So I did.

Here are your fucking chocolate abs, girls.

I have literally combined two of your favourite things. Chocolate AND abs. Now you can actually lick it! I deserve a Nobel Prize in 'Korean Entertainment Industry' for this discovery. 

To all you boys, I found this shirt for you:
I sell them in: puny/pansy-sized, medium, and depressingly alone.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

JUNHYUNG Pulls a Jay Park, Prepare for the l0lz

B2ST's JUNHYUNG has just dropped a teaser for a track from that new Brave Brothers project group. The teaser is at first glance your standard swaghypebeast posturing with exorbitant displays of money, some random girl EXID's LE, and some random homie Big Star's FeelDog. Fairly standard stuff until he pulled a Jay Park.

Not only is he giving everyone the 1-finger salute, he's also rockin' a hat with "WEED" emblazoned in big bold letters on the front!! I read somewhere that this guy is compared to GD all the time, and I can see exactly why now. Both are composers, swagfags, and now potheads. It's pretty astonishing to me how identical these guys are to each other. Shit, I thought even thought this was GD's song (fuck you Twitter followers for misleading me). It looks and sounds exactly like the big G Druggin himself, how can you blame me though?? THEY MUST BE FUCKING

But goddamn, I can't get over how huge Junhyung's brassy balls are. Even though it's for a 19+ song and album, I gotta give him props for this shit. Or at least Brave Brothers. Or whoever the fuck told them all to do this shit. I can hear the outrage pouring in already. "You've Got Some Nerve" indeed, it really does deserve that 19+ label.

EDIT: Wow I am really dumb. Too excited about the middle finger to go through and fact-check before publishing. Sorry guys. Went through and made some key edits to make things more clear.

Chanmi of "Co-Ed School" Leaves Core Contents Media - No One Gives a Shit

"Idol" Chanmi of Co-Ed School and all-girls-group subunit, 5Dolls, has announced on her Twitter her official leave from Core Contents Media.

Chanmi stated:
"My contract with my current company has been terminated, so I am no longer in 5dolls. I’m working hard to find a new agency so I can stand in front of you again. Thank you so much to everyone who has looked out for me and waited for me. Nothing is for certain yet, but when I determine a new agency, I’ll come back to you again to meet your expectations! Please wait until then..!

Devastated fans have been voicing their disappointment, posting comments on message boards such as:
"Co-Ed School? 5Dolls? What's that?"
"Chanmi? Is she the one T-ara hates?"
"Wow. A singer that no one cares about is leaving two groups that no one gives a fuck about. How tragic."
(just kidding. I wrote those comments because I am so funny inside my head)

Your leaving is not going to bring up shit like your former groupmate, Hwayoung's. So don't hope for a pity parade and Twitter debate over you. T-ara doesn't have time to bully you since they will be busy getting out of their own shithole of a mess their company put them in again.

Which brings me to my (comeback) article's topics:
1) Members who have left groups that no one gives a shit about.
Followed up with:
2) Members who should leave groups.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Friday, February 15, 2013

The Next Round Of Hiring

Do you look up to this guy?
Do you want to join the AKF staff?
Do you want to associate yourself with someone who is not only wildly popular in Korea and Japan, but founder of AKF?

Among the changes going on, the first one we want to tackle is hiring new authors. However, this round of applications will differ from previous ones. Instead of just authors, we're looking to hire people who can help run the site.

Preferred candidates would meet any of the following:

  • Experience writing for a blog/website
  • Knows how to design
I'll also accept anyone who wishes to guest blog on here. Fany Pack, Soyeon Friend and sulli_fag do it.

If you have no prior experience blogging, that's fine. Just like the other times, we require applicants to submit three (3) articles proving themselves to be a fit for AKF. We are no longer trying to "build up" authors anymore. Shinbi and I tried that in early 2012 and it was a disaster. So don't worry, we won't hire someone like Aurelie again, whom everyone thought was snorting cocaine while writing her posts.

Aside from authors, we're looking to find people to help us improve the site. I know that this site looks like it's from 2003 instead of 2013. I've read your complaints about how slow AKF loads for some of you, how outdated some things are, etc. We're looking to make improvements to the site.

Send applications to I'll be reviewing these applications along with Zaku and Shinbi, so the process will take longer than normal. Remember, we're always hiring, but for these hiring announcements, it's best to send your application within a month.

Note: If former authors wish to reapply, send me an email and we'll talk things over.

Zaku here. I see a lot of people posting in the comments saying how they would apply, but then proceed to list a myriad of reasons why they won't. JUST SACK UP AND APPLY GODDAMN IT. WE'LL BE THE JUDGE OF WHETHER OR NOT YOU'RE REALLY BAD. (Don't worry, we won't save your application and laugh at it later or something equally heinous. :D)

Jay Park shakes off fangirl antis

I think it's safe to assume we all know the story with Jay Park. His whole controversy and getting the boot from 2PM has many elements involved, enough that to this day fangirls will still give conflicting reports and interpretations. Some stick by him, but there are also a good number of people who just want to hate him. I know Koreans can be really unreasonable with the grudge-keeping if you've in any way insulted the nation, but I have also seen enough similar scandals and scandal recoveries to know that people eventually stop giving a shit.

Therefore, it is interesting seeing Jay still apparently catching shit form people. Sure, he's not the best rapper, but he's a lot better than most idol rappers, and he seems to be a really hard working guy and dances really well. It seems like if someone wants to hate on him, it goes a bit further than some nationalistic grudge. It seems like... competitive hatred. Yes, I'm pretty sure no guy would give half a shit about what Jay is doing, but fangirls would have plenty of reasons and ongoing passions to keep it up. I think there is more to it, as well.

You see, Jay didn't just leave a popular boyband. He kind of threw off all the ridiculous false persona that is demanded of boyband members. He doesn't want to be some flower boy who is always gentlemanly and giving only the purest and most devoted of affections. Granted, we all know that act is bullshit, especially with 2PM, but Jay here wants to do what they can't openly do: Say it. He talks about doing what he wants, being who he wants, saying what he wants, fucking who he wants, and still being successful anyway. Is there anything that would boil fangirl blood more than this?

For that reason, I just wanted to bring up this track and say that I salute you and wish you well, Jay Park. I especially like that part at the end about buying your parents a house. Honestly, who can hate on that? It's an irrefutably honorable use of one's wealth and properly filial as expected of a good Korean guy. If he can say fuck your ridiculous standards and still pull that off, that's pretty damn swag if you ask me. Maybe he doesn't completely fit in with the realest of hiphop bros, but he's got enough talent and style to be relevant and, as least with this song, is making a career out of telling hater fangirls to STFU. In that sense, we need more Jay Parks in the world.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Nichkhun Celebrates Valentine's Day

First Nichkhun drives drunk, now he reveals what he does backstage in order to stay in 2PM. I hope he enjoyed JYP's penis for Valentine's Day.

Amoeba Culture's NOWorkend Project

It's appalling that none of the big international Korean entertainment portals haven't covered this news yet. When AKF of all places breaks a story, you know something is wrong.

According to this article, Gaeko of Dynamic Duo (not CL of 2NE1, just to be clear) will be the first one to release a song under this project.

Anyway, I'm excited for this project. Amoeba Culture does mainstream hiphop right, and with the artists under that label, this should be the best thing in Korean music for the first half of 2013.

T-ara Continues PR Trainwreck

I don't know if you all have realized by now, but Kim Kwang Soo (or his PR team) has the absolute worst sense I've ever seen while managing a public figure. We all know how deep in the shithole T-ara and their reputations are, and as such, any and all promotions from here on out should be very carefully vetted and strictly scripted to avoid any potential flareups.

Beyond all common sense and/or logic, this was not to be.

"I have no idea what KKS wants me to do anymore."

Sorry, Nine Muses, but ur dumped

To cure the Valentine's Day blues for all those unwilling singles out there, Nine Muses released breakup-themed photos.

You let it all out, girl. 

And for all you males who might be planning to dump your girlfriends, Nine Muses was kind enough to show you the nine types of ex-girlfriends you might have.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Ailee's Titties Not Fooling Any Netizens

I feel like I've written about this subject many many times now, but it never fails to boggle my mind how inconsistent netizens of all stripes and colors can be about boobies. They're wonderful. They contain the magical power to hypnotize men (and other women if they're so inclined) and infuriate women (and prudish men), but it seems these days either people are getting more adept at seeing through the illusions woven by a good push-up bra or the women wearing said bras are going too HAM with the antigravity.

This edition? Ailee.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Monday, February 11, 2013

Kara to have their own anime; wotas will finally fap to them

Kara is having their own anime to reach a new audience in Japan. They couldn't get enough guys to fap to them with their Mister MV, so they had to get creative: make an anime so that wotas will fap to them!

Fangirl mad that oppa doesn't like fat chicks

RIP Lim Yoon Taek

Remember when netizens thought he was faking his cancer? I bet those same assholes think he's faking his death right now.

So, I just checked Netizen Buzz, and yup, there were assholes mocking his death here. You know, part of the reason I started AKF was due to international fans acting just as retarded as the crazy, retarded Korean netizens. This is one of those times where I wish I could catch some of these netizens. I would tie them up and make them spread their butt cheeks. I would shove a couple of Twinkies up their assholes and then shove Shindong's fat head up their assholes. As Shindong started eating their insides out, I would make them watch Sohee and Lim make out while listening to IGAB. It would be the only people like that would learn.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

[NYLST] JeA - Stray Cat

Today's edition of NYSLT features JeA of the Brown Eyed Girls. She made a solo debut a couple of months ago, but I had never gotten around to reviewing any of her work. Because I happen to like Stray Cat the best off her mini, I decided to spotlight it with this article.

The MV is a really neat combination of old-school animation and modern computer graphics. I missed the days of handmade props and good ol' fashioned string/stick manipulation. Plus who doesn't like cats?

The song itself is a midtempo piece that suits JeA's style the most outside of boring ballad stuff. The accoustic guitar and piano instruments were really nice, and there was a lot of subtle layering in there if you pay close attention. I also enjoyed the choruses and the soft slow bit preceding the climax and vocal runs. I'm really shitty at explaining why exactly I like particular songs, so you should just listen for yourself. l0l

JeA's release flew a bit under the radar, maybe because she's trying to break out of the shadows of Ga In and Narsha's own strong solo efforts, but the mini is definitely worth a listen. I recommend you check out "Days & Nights" and "Silent Stalker" in particular.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Hypocrisy Abounds in Korea Regarding Minegishi Minami

As you all remember from 's crossover article, Minegishi Minami was embroiled in a "sex" scandal which resulted in shaving her head and a public apology on Youtube.

I'm using her picture because I believe people need to know about this,
especially since the original video has been since taken down.
Naturally, the insightful netizens of Korea had much to say about the issue.

Jay Park the #1 stunna

Gay Park reaffirmed this week why he can't be trusted with social media with this Instagram/Twitter addition:

To quote Birdman himself, "cheesin like a winner"

Apparently, peeps got mad again. Seriously? Boy's gotta apologize for this?

Sunday, February 3, 2013

One Step Forward, 10 Steps Back

WHAT IN THE FUCK, DSP? First, we get a plenty faptacular teaser shot for Rainbow's impending cumback and expectations were high. I mean, sure they were probably all wearing strapless bras and just chillin', but the illusion was there of toplessness. And if you looked carefully, you could have even fooled your eye into spotting a cleavage or two. 

It was truly a teasing teaser. But DSP must have heard all the Korean netizens bitching about the sexy sex so in the second teaser we get this shit:

Yeah. Midriff-baring sweaters. Just barely avoiding the turtleneck crisis, they decided to cover up most of Rainbow's bodies and basically shit all over our dreams. Sure we get to ogle some wonderful abs and waists, but way to take one big step forward for all Rainbow stans and then 10 steps back into the fucking stone age.

Thanks a lot DSP.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Question of the Week 71

This week's question is:
Which idol do you think has the craziest diet? (ie. the worst and best meal plans)