Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Zaku's Top 20 Songs of 2014 (#10-1)

Now that you've had the time to digest my #20 through #11 picks for top songs of 2014, I'm back with the rest of the controversial opinions you'll accuse me of shit taste for!!

As a reminder, here are the criteria for the works selected:


  • Release from Jan. 1 - Dec. 25
  • Korean releases only (sorry Japan)
  • all tracks are fair game (meaning not only title tracks)
  • no double dipping -- a group can only appear once 

아저씨's "Get Fucked" award of 2014

The nominees are:

SNSD: You are old and played out. You haven't done anything good in music since Genie. Now you got rid of Jessica. WTF is wrong with you?

Brave Brothers: Am I ready for Alone remix #748? No I am not.

YG Entertainment: The biggest cult from Korea. Even bigger than the SONE religion since becoming a fan of one group seems to infect you for all YG artists.

And the award goes to...

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

KPOPALYPSE's 30 favourite k-pop songs of 2014

Welcome to Kpopalypse's 2014 favourite k-pop songs list!  It's time once again to run through my best songs of the previous 12 months!  Although k-pop's first Golden Age is definitely over and 2014 was honestly pretty meh overall, it still had some jewels to be found and here they are.  Get ready to listen to some songs that I believe don't suck... and hopefully you'll also find out about a few that have so far flown under your radar!


Kpopalypse's 30 worst k-pop songs of 2014

Welcome to Kpopalypse's worst songs of 2014!  Let's round up 2014's greatest k-pop stinkers!


I assume that because you've all actually clicked here and are reading my worst-of list, you can actually handle some criticism of your bias constructively and maturely.  However if this list has too many nasty negative vibes for you, remember that I have a favourites list as well so why not read that instead, you complete fucking pussy?  Otherwise, read on!

AKF's Top 10 2014 Title Tracks

This is hard to believe, but this is the first time I've done a year-end-top-10-songs list. Don't worry, Akdong Musician isn't anywhere close to my top 10. I just wanted to scare some people.

Zaku's Top 20 Songs of 2014 (#20-11)

2014 has been a year full of ups and downs, with many hilarious plot twists we never saw coming on top of many tragedies we never wanted to experience. Regardless, 2014 was a surprisingly good year for Kpop musically. I don't know if I'm early or late on this, but since people wanted me to share my opinion on the best songs of 2014, here's my picks for the year.


  • Release from Jan. 1 - Dec. 25
  • Korean releases only (sorry Japan)
  • all tracks are fair game (meaning not only title tracks)
  • no double dipping -- a group can only appear once 

Monday, December 29, 2014

SONAMOO Debuts, Fangirls Moo Their Discontent

Call me @ 1-800-IDONTGIVEAFUCK
As another exciting year in Kpop comes to a close we should all pause and reflect on what a year it's been...


Sunday, December 28, 2014

Girl's Day Better Comeback With A Sexy Concept

From the testicular cancer of Kpop, I have learned that one of the best girl groups to fap to will be making a comeback early next year.

Friday, December 26, 2014

Jolin Tsai - We're All Different, Yet The Same

Jolin Tsai kisses another girl in the MV. C'mon Kpop! Taiwan: 2 (don't forget that Popu Lady MV from the summer), Korea: 0.

I know most people here won't like the song since it's a ballad and I'm basically the only one here who likes ballads, but watch it for the two hot girls kissing. (I do have plans on reviewing "Play" and "Medusa" when I get the time.)

We're hiring

Do you want to write for AKF?

Are you a whiny little bitch?

If you said "Yes!" to both of these questions, fuck off, we don't want you. But if you want to write for AKF without making everyone want to vomit, read on.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas, everyone!

This year, as we celebrate the holiday season, we reflect on what brought us all to AKF. Author Krakenoid (who can't access a computer this week, #prayforKrakenoid) asks you to share your stories of what made you "come to the light" and shed your fangirl/fanboy ways.

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 68

As you FISHies know, I live a fairly private life. But since I have been gone for so long, I thought I would do something special for my favourite people. Today I am going to share with you some of my personal text messages regarding a certain SNSD-related scandal that occurred not too long ago that I just had to return for.

Context: my friend just read about the rumours (well, now confirmed) that Jessica was kicked out of SNSD - potentially due to some alleged tiffs between Taeyeon and Jessica.


This week's photos come from… uh… my phone, I guess.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Kpopalypse's 2014 round-up of dick-sucking Christmas songs

Yes Kpopalypse is back with your yearly Christmas present - reviews of all the shitty Christmas songs that everybody hates!  I posted a Christmas song round-up last year and quite sensibly nobody gave a shit, so like I always do when I sense that people would rather I didn't do something, I return to do it again on a regular basis!   Grab a nice cup of your favourite Christmas beverage and gather around while I take a Christmas-pudding-sized shit on all of 2014's worthless money-draining sentimental dick-sucking Christmas trash!

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Hello Venus Da Best

I know the new guidelines were to avoid articles such as this, but I asked AKF and he agreed: this is a very good exception.

An Introduction To Your New Head Administrator

Originally, I wasn't supposed to take over AKF until next year, but plans change rapidly. I was supposed to take over after AKF enrolled in graduate school, but he got a job lined up for next summer, so I had to take over much earlier than anticipated. AKF will still write when he has time, but with him stepping back and taking an advisory role to me and the other AKF admins, there will be some changes in how things are done around here.

Monday, December 22, 2014

Hyeri surfs on a wave of haters

So apparently Hyeri of Girl's Day committed some kind of unspeakable crime insulting Dongwoon of B2ST in the most offensive way possible that only a filthy slut like her could even imagine, and then like a literal bitch eating her own shit, only made it far worse by directly tweeting an obviously fake apology to him because hey, why not get some hate? Shits fun.

Here is the video:

Oh, oops, wrong one. Real video after the jump.

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Saturday, December 20, 2014

WYMBFOS 3: Sexy concept haters... where do I even start...

Wow, it has been so long since I started this "series" I should probably reiterate that it stands for "Ways you might be full of shit" and I actually had to go back searching through my published posts to remember that. Anyway, my last one actually happened to be on slut-shaming, and this is a bit similar, but it is also about "slut"-lover-hating and many aspects of sexual performances and sexual objectification and everything.

So gather round kids, because I hope to open up your world to what a complicated bitch life is.

Friday, December 19, 2014


Yes folks, it's time for another episode of your favourite non-favourite k-pop interview series!  Get ready for another:


This time Kpopalypse Interview is going to be interviewing "American k-pop star" Chad Future!

Brazilian Man Has Plastic Surgery to Look Korean

I shit you not.

Yes, this actually happened. The Hallyu Wave has taken yet another international victim - but this time, we cannot save him from drowning.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 67

Hello, FISHies. It has been quite a while hasn't it? My apologies (as per usual) for my leave of absence.  But I will not bore you with excuses. I have a bunch of submissions in my inbox (both e-mails and Asks) to sift through, so be ready for plenty of upcoming STFUs! Maybe even an article or two of my own will pop up =D! Haha, but let's not kid ourselves.

Anyways, back to our regularly scheduled articles.


This week's quote comes from a friend of mine. Who found it. "Found" it. He claims it isn't him. Yeah okay bud. We don't judge here.

Just kidding. We only judge people here. Anyways, now here's 'Wonderwall':

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Kpopalypse and AKF's Red Light Mission - Part Three

It's Kpopalypse here with the return of Red Light Mission!  This is the third and definitely the final chapter of the collaborative AKF/Kpopalypse fanfic!  As AKF is busier than ever we're wrapping this series up, and as usual both of us have contributed to the story.  It's up to you to guess who did what.  Enjoy!

NOTE: for those of you coming to this series late, read the first two parts before you get started here or this third part will make no fucking sense at all!  Click here for part 1 and click here for part 2.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Bumkey is NOT a drug dealer

I was on Twitter tonight (talk to me: @BobbySaranghaeyo), and everyone was like talking shit about Bumkey doing drugs and selling meth.

My first reaction was "NOOOOOO!!! He's too talented to be a drug dealer!" Now that I've calmed down, I realize this whole "drug dealer" accusation is just a way to silence an amazing artist. Can't people just stfu about stuff they don't know? Oppa doesn't sell drugs, and here's how I know.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Like money - k-pop music video production costs explained

In k-pop the music video is often as important as the song.  I'd even go out on a not-very-dangerous limb and say it's a lot more important than the song in most cases, and for a bunch of different reasons, ranging from building a brand, to building interest in the performers, to product placement, to connecting to global audiences and more.  K-pop is at least as much of a visual phenomenon as it is an auditory one, this much is obvious.  What's a little less obvious to a lot of people is how much money and effort is involved, so that's what this post is going to discuss... hopefully in a way that doesn't bore you to shit.


What makes a music video "cheap" or "expensive"?  How do I tell which is which?  Attentive readers will note that one of my recent Nugu Alert posts touched on the topic of video expenses.  However I didn't go into a lot of detail in that post, and I've been getting requests to write something more in-depth about music video costs ever since, so here we go.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

[BREAKING NEWS] Netizens Accuse SNSD of Cyberbullying Yuri?

With all the controversy surrounding SNSD lately, common knowledge would be to expect them to all lay low and reflect on their mistakes. Sadly, like the backstabbing bitches they are (#JUSTICEFORJESSICA #JESSICAWASFRAMED #TAEYEONDIDIT), this was not to be so.

We've received reports that the remaining SNSD members are currently embroiled in a new scandal, this time cyberbullying Yuri.


[MV Review] GD&YB - Good Boy (How GD Has Corrupted Taeyang With Marijuana)

I (as in Zaku) thought we'd try a duo-review after some time since the last one. This particular collaboration is between me (as in Zaku still) and HanYeSeul Fag.


I have never thought this quote from Mr. Mackey was more true than when I listened to "Good Boy." Good God, I have no idea where to start about what is wrong with this song. However, I can tell you the source of the shittiness of the song.


You guys and girls like surveys.  I like it that you like surveys.  You said you wanted more surveys, bigger, longer, fatter, and with more cao ni ma action.  Your wish is granted in the KPOPALYPSE END OF YEAR MEGA SURVEY!



The survey will remain up until I get enough responses.  A future post will contain the results!  Have fun!

Monday, December 1, 2014

Dr. Strangefap, or: how I learned to stop worrying and love k-pop censorship

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

[MV Review] Nicole - Mama

Finally after the long wait, KARA’s ex-member, Nicole, is back with a solo debut. Now we all know that she’s not that strong of a vocal, hell, she's mediocre, but of course, she tried her luck with a song that wasn’t extremely vocal-heavy, and the outcome was… interesting?