Sunday, November 30, 2014

Hello Venus Really Wants You To Fap To Them

Hello Venus is vying for the Representative Fap Group with the hopes of taking the crown from AOA. Can they achieve their goals? Will Fany start stanning Hello Venus? Will Unknown bring up J-pop/Japan when those subjects rarely have anything to do with what we write about? Will some sick bastard complain about how they wished Yoo Ara/Frankenstein's daughter was still in the group so that they could see her in this concept and then proceed to tell everyone about their monster fetish? Will enough people watch Hello Venus's videos so that Brave Brothers will give them a better song next time? Will AOA retaliate by having Seolhyun go to Japan to do gravure? Will we see a match between Hello Venus and AOA in which both groups try to prove that it is the sexiest one in Korea? Have I asked enough questions yet? If not, did you fap?

AKFG innovation: Opperviewnity

Here at AKFG we love to be straightforward about what many aren't and occasionally be indirect or casually mocking about what others are typically straightforward. In an effort to contribute to the facilitation of the former, I have created this new word for you all to enjoy. It combines "Opportunity" with "Perv" and "View" and I suppose you could even pretend it also includes "Oppa" for certain "innocent (not actually innocent)" girl group concepts. (7학년1반, A Pink)

This would be a word for all those moments indirectly understood as only existing to scope out DAT BODY or otherwise fill your mind with perversions, yet in a context that pretends to be for a different, neutral reason. So for instance, gravure videos would be 97% opperviewnities, and the latest Dream Team episode with girl groups playing in tight clothing at the pool would be somewhere around 25-35% vaguely opperviewnistic yet 5% very blatant.

AOA provides a nice example with this video:

Saturday, November 29, 2014

A Lesson in Korean History: IU and Seotaiji's Sogyeokdong

Hello, FISHies! After a long hiatus, I am finally returning to my part in contributing to the blog with an article that may be potentially boring to a few; however, extremely informational to those who shall read it. Now without further ado, I shall explain to you the historical significance of IU and Seotaiji's newest release, 'Sogyeokdong'.

Friday, November 28, 2014

A Pink - LUV

Ha Young and the rest of A Pink have made a cumback, and it is glorious.

Hot sexy man-meat - locating the hottest guys in k-pop!

I've often been accused of being very gender-biased in my blogging, and that as a heterosexual male I haven't been doing a lot of catering to those who would like to see some hot sexy men being reduced to objects for the voyeuristic pleasure of readers.


Since I'm obviously guilty as charged, let's rectify the situation immediately with a hunky k-pop guy post for all you heterosexual women and gay men out there!

Male Fanservice #23

Warning: May feature males* you find unpleasant.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Happy Thanksgiving From The AKF Team

It's Thanksgiving here in America, and I have asked every American author to write about what they're thankful for in regards to K-pop.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

I Would Wiggle Wiggle My Penis In Hello Venus


100th Day of Kara's Revival

Youngji celebrates her 100th day as a Kara member today.

The Bell Curve of Crazy: A Statistical Approach to Understanding Fandom Metrics

I've been meaning to write an article for Anti Kpop-Fangirl that somehow incorporated my areas of expertise, aka the bullshit I studied for 4 years of my life at college. I see how you all like it when Kpopalypse talks about his industry skillz, so I figured why not give it a shot.

And thus we come to my groundbreaking model for the wide range of... "behavior" we see in KPop fandoms today. Without further ado, I present to you, THE BELL CURVE OF CRAZY.

As presented by Fei.
If there's anything I've learned from Kpopalypse, it's that people will pay more attention
if hot people are used to present the information.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Thoughtful Raina - the meme


Idol life is tough.  There you are, sitting on a chair in a fake backyard by a fake white picket fence, holding a fake ice-cream made by food stylists with coloured frosting and powdered sugar, shooting a promotional music video.  The video shoot sure is dragging on, it's 4AM and you've been awake for 26 hours straight, yet it's your duty to look alert and extra cheerful for the cameras - what a chore.  You sure wish you were doing something else, but this is what being an idol is and you're stuck with it for now.  On take 153 of your lines in verse 2, a thought pops into your mind... but what could it be?

Friday, November 21, 2014

Kpopalypse Nugu Alert Episode 6: Atomic Kiz, Hawon, Magic Flow ft. Rumble Fish

That's right sluts, it's time for another episode of:


The regular blog series where Kpopalypse brings you fresh/stale nugus for your enjoyment and/or bemusement!  Read on as I shove down your fucking throat another group of k-pop performers that you don't care about and will probably forget the names of as soon as you're finished reading this, in the name of good humour and a misguided unrealistic belief in music industry equal opportunity.  Let's get started!

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Hani's "Up & Down" Fancam Surpassed One Million Views

Just think about it. A fancam garnered over 1,000,000 views. A lot of groups are happy that their music videos obtain 1,000,000 views.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Hi Suhyun's "I'm Different" Is Cancer For The Eyes, Ears and Penis

Hello everyone. I, HanYeSeul_Fag, am honored to take over AKF for Chuck oppar. Originally I was just going to hijack his account and post exclusively from it, but we talked it over and I made my own account. We're friends in real life and he has been looking for someone to take over the blog for a couple of years now, and with everyone he asked declining, he proposed that I take over it about six months ago. I have been studying the writing of the authors here and will develop my own style over time. AKF will still post from time to time, but as he is gearing up to get a professional job, he doesn't have any time to run AKF. Therefore, I am taking over, and my first official review under my new account is this terrible song.

Monday, November 17, 2014

[MV Review] Lovelyz - Candy Jelly Love

If it wasn't for Seo Jisoo's lesbian scandal, I would have had no idea that thing song came out. It would have been a shame if I had missed out on this song and MV.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

"She Should Do JAV"; Bless Your Heart, Jiyoung

Normally, whenever some AKF authors gather in one location to chat, we talk about many things. A common topic we bring up is how Korea needs its own AV industry. Due to Korea's strict laws on making porn, it will not happen anytime soon. Therefore, we usually suggest that some hot idols go over to Japan and do JAV.

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Album rev-ew - F-ve Dolls "F-rst Love"

Today -'ve found out today someth-ng wh-ch -'ve suspected for a wh-le but wh-ch has now been conf-rmed - F-ve Dolls have d-sbanded.  The label haven't released an off-c-al statement yet, but none -s needed; the label's new webs-te doesn't l-st them as an act-ve group, and w-th several members hav-ng left the company, -t's easy enough to see what's happened.


S-nce - felt that F-ve Dolls' f-nal -ncarnat-on d-dn't really get enough attent-on when they were act-ve, -'m now go-ng to overcompensate w-ldly by wr-t-ng my f-rst k-pop album rev-ew!

Maybe there is a god

Maybe not a god ,but there are two hot goddesses

Friday, November 14, 2014

Kpopalypse's completely 100% accurate and legit* predictions for the future of k-pop

Well, 2014 is nearly over and most people are happy to put it behind them.  It hasn't exactly been an outstanding year for k-pop, with so many controversies, scandals and tragedies.  So what can we look forward to in 2015 and beyond?  Hopefully something better, right?  It's a good thing that I have my fantastic powers of ESP readily available to find out the truth of what the future holds!


Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Prepping For Doomsday With AOA

If any of you have watched National Geographic's "Doomsday Preppers," you may have noticed that the show leaves off one very important rating criteria from its scorecard. The original scorecard ranks each doomsday prepper from 0-20 on 5 categories: food, water, shelter, security, and x-factor. Which category is the show missing? Fap material.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Everything I Learned About Pulling Off the Perfect Heist I Learned From AoA's "Like a Cat"

Ice to see you.
Another day, another Brave Brothers release. What's ironic about this one is that there isn't the signature "Brave Sound" shit thing in the beginning. (Do them and JYP record a new intro for every song or do they just have a stock recording?) I would have thought they would want to distance themselves from the Hello Venus comeback.. But whatever. I'm not here to talk about the song itself, but rather how this MV can help you pull off the biggest heist of your life.

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Music business 101 - the real deal for aspiring k-pop stars

Entering the music industry on any level in 2014 is exceptionally difficult, yet there are many people who wish to become pop stars.  With the steady rise of k-pop's profile globally, Korea and k-pop is positioned in the hearts and minds (mainly the hearts) of young people around the world as a desirable field to hopefully break into.  How realistic are their dreams?  Are k-pop hopefuls being delusional, or do they have a realistic (if slim) chance of realising their goals?


Most importantly of all, if you were someone wishing to make a serious giving-it-100% attempt at breaking into the k-pop industry, what are the really important things that you would need to know?  As someone who has spent quite a while in the music business in various capacities, I'm now going to give you the dirt on these important questions, so read on if you dare!

Friday, November 7, 2014

Zico releases new song, "Oppa Is Just The Worst, Isn't He?"

Korean Public Enemy No. 1 (and that goes for both North and South) Zico shat on fans this week with the release of his latest song, "Oppa Is Just The Worst, Isn't He?"

Thursday, November 6, 2014

[Exclusive] Yooyoung's vag slip

[MV] Clara ft. Yasu's Big Stinky Shit Sandwich [FEAR]

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[MV] Hello Venus - StickySticky International Version

Yet again a lovely group has come back with... a real stinker. Yes, while Korea may love boring shit like Busker Busker and Lim Kim, when testing songs on Western ears agencies have found we desire something with a bit more... chutzpah, so to speak.

So, much like when After School tried to put us asleep with First Love, for the international release from Hello Venus we see Brave Bros getting his tired old ass kicked to the curb where he can listen to Ah and remember when he was relevant.

In his place we have a saucy track that fits the energy that the girls bring to the table, and I have used my deep connections with Alice, Lime, and Yooyoung to net us the exclusive premiere. Enjoy.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

U.S. radio station hilariously edits 'I Am the Best'

A radio station in Boston played "I Am the Best" and hilariously edited out "naega" because it sounds like nigga. I'll admit when I first started listening to kpop I got a chuckle every time I heard that because to my disgusting non-Korean ears it does sound a bit like that. Now if only they could edit out the all of the lyrics as well as Bom and CL, we'll be set.

K-pop life lessons with Kpopalypse

Hey folks, it's Kpopalypse here.  As someone a little older than the average k-pop fan with lots of experience in the ups and downs of life, I'm aware that a lot of younger people read my blogging, and therefore I feel a certain sense of obligation to them to impart wisdom and valuable life lessons.  Of course if I just go around saying things like "bike safety" and "don't play with matches" nobody is going to pay any fucking attention, but that's where k-pop comes in - this post is all about some of the fantastic things we can learn through k-pop music videos!


Please note that the discussions of these videos contain plot spoilers, so be sure to watch the videos first (if you haven't seen them) before reading about the important life lessons that they contain!  Let's get started and learn things!

Sunday, November 2, 2014

AKF Changes For End Of 2014 And Beginning Of 2015

I hope it's change you guys can believe in. We are currently overhauling how we do things at AKF to make it a better experience overall for the readers and commenters.

Han Ye Seul On Running Man

Today we have a double dose of Han Ye Seul. She'll appear on today's episode of "Running Man" and later today "Birth Of A Beauty" episode 2 will air.