Friday, February 28, 2014

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 51

This week's photo comes from an anonymous asker from my

Thank you for your submission!

Thursday, February 27, 2014

CL Doesn't Have Shit On Seohyun!

This song is everything I hate about hiphop, and I love hiphop a lot. Taking all of the shit elements and putting it in a shit blender, well, you're going to get one shitty ass result. The following was my reaction after I had finished listening to the song.


When 2012 finished and I said that Rania's "Style" was the song of the year, I had to deal with a lot of butthurt from k-pop fans who disagreed with my opinion.  Mercifully, the whining at that time was restricted only to people that I personally knew, and those that listen to my radio show (as I also played my favourites list on-air) - my blogging wasn't very popular at that time because I had only just started writing.   Twelve months later when at the end of 2013 I said that Crayon Pop's "1,2,3,4" was the song of the year, it was a different story; the butthurt was far more extreme as now it had also manifested online.

For those who haven't heard this amazing song yet, here it is again:

Many people didn't understand this selection, or thought I was stupid/on drugs, or just making it up to be cool/uncool/trendy/non-trendy/whatever, so I thought I'd explain it more deeply.

Netizens Bitching About Naeun's Admission Into Dongguk University

I guess after pulling a Shinbot and scheduling seven articles for the Fancam Appreciation series, I guess I should return to AKF's roots of discussing why I think certain opinions are retarded. Okay, I guess fancams are in AKF's roots too.

Anyway, the basis of this post is the NB article regarding Naeun's admission into Dongguk University.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Park Si Hoo Returns To Drama Land

*You can read about everything on Asian Junkie, but I'll just be a skeptic and say that he raped the woman just for the sake of argument. However, even though he was never proven guilty, he was never proven innocent either, which is why he still has this cloud over his head. Here's the NB article if you like reading comments about translated comments. I won't comment this time about comments regarding translated comments.

SNSD's Teasers Are Either Genius or Lame, But I Can't Decide


Tuesday, February 25, 2014

BESTie's Dahye Is Ready To Make Your Dick Explode

Through my awesome foresight, I predict that Dahye will be destroying bias lists left and right with BESTie's upcoming comeback. Though Haeryung is my favorite because she's such a qt3.14, I can't deny that Dahye is the definition of 8======D~~~~~. She looks even more amazing than usual in these teasers, so enjoy.

Hyunyoung for Maxim

I don't have to write shit.

Monday, February 24, 2014

Exploitable Yura

Well, I wouldn't want to disappoint anyone...

Question of the Week 79

Wow - I just realised that there has not been a Question of the Week since September of 2013. That is insane. I cannot promise that I will be able to think of a Korean entertainment related question weekly though, so this is not exactly a revival of my first weekly feature. But, I will certainly try to get this up and running again.

This week's question is: 
If you could take one idol of your choice on a Valentines date (yeah, I know. I am a little late), who would it be, why, what would you do, and how would you attempt to woo him/her? 

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 50

Yeah okay so... not going to lie. I thought I had scheduled more STFUs. But I apparently did not; so this one is 2 days late. My bad. Do kids still say that? I don't know. Doesn't matter. Here I am, returning to churn out more STFUs for your enjoyment. As well, I see that with how sporadic my schedule is, AKF will also be producing these articles *cough* also replacing my job.

But with that said, I had to at least do something for the big 50! Quite the milestone for this weekly feature.

So my gift to you all for celebrating hitting 10 million views AND helping me write 50 STFU articles is this attached selca of me:

Fancam Appreciation #2 - Sistar's Bora

Today's fancam appreciation is a recommendation from Chris.

Yoo In Na Looks Jjangbak As Fuck For 1st Look

Yoo In Na is on the cover for the March issue of 1st Look and she looks amazing.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

"My bias is a true artist, like, OMG": music production and songwriting credits explained

It's hard to think up any music fandom with an insecurity complex bigger than any given k-pop fandom.  People who are into k-pop (regardless of which group is their fave) can't just seem to say "I like this bubblegum shit, because it sounds good to me, and that's that, and if you don't like it fuck you" - they have to constantly justify everything both to themselves and others, so they can confirm that "yes it's socially acceptable for me to like this group".  That's the real motivation behind a lot of the excessive caring about vocal technique ("See?  My favourite group are talented, see? SEE?") chart success ("Look, everyone likes them in Korea, they MUST be good!") and awards ("They won something!  They're so special!") that many fans engage in.  It's also why fans' eyes light up with delight like twinkly little snowglobes whenever they are alerted to the rare eventuality of a cog in their favourite sculpted corporate pop music delivery machine getting a songwriting credit somewhere, and also why they then go and trot out these song credits tirelessly on forums and websites in some pathetic cyber-dick-measuring contest.

I thought it would be useful to demystify the meaning of technical terms in album credits, as well as how these terms are allocated to different people and also what it means when people co-write, so when the next media hype article comes along about artist X co-arranging song Y with producer Z, you don't get the wrong idea about what's really going on and you at least have some idea about what you're stroking your e-peen about.  Because I love you guys.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Match Made in Hell

Taeyang to be featured on M-Flo’s upcoming album

M-Flo will be releasing their 8th official album titled “FUTURE IS WOW” on the 26th of March, and will be featuring many other popular Japanese artists.
However it was revealed that Big Bang’s Taeyang will also be a part of this album.
On M-Flo’s official home page on the 20th, a list of the featured artists was revealed, including artists such as Ayumi Hamasaki and main vocal singer, Washio Reina of Japanese girl group ‘Flower’.
Taeyang will be featured on M-Flo’s lead track “Go Crazy”, in which it will be a party song. M-Flo revealed that they put extra effort in to this song, where member Verbal edited his raps as much as 3 times and had them all newly recorded every time.
Many fans in both Korea and Japan are anticipating this album, especially as both artists have strong fanbases in both countries.
Source: Sports Donga

I can hear Chuck screaming already.

Korean Netizens Want To Live In An Amish Paradise

So the KCC wants to banish sexy concepts.

I could write a long ass article about how hilarious it is that Koreans pretend to be repressed sexually but when in fact South Korea is one of the top consumers of internet porn. By day the Koreans act like they want to live in an Amish paradise, but by night they spank it often to JAV. At least be truthful and don't lie to yourselves. Obviously enough Koreans love these sexy concepts or else there wouldn't be so many of them. Or are you furious over the fact that these idols aren't making their own porno videos.

Anyway, Weird Al, take it over.


Just like with 1 million and 5 million, I never expected AKF to be this big.


This post has all the information you need about the KPOPALYPSE LIVESTREAM!

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Fancam Appreciation #1 - 2 Eyez' Dasom, Dal Shabet's Ah Young

I thought I would start a new series of posts, one all about fancams. Fancams are an aspect of Kpop that make it much better because now you don't have to watch shitty camera work on the big four music shows, only to have the cameraman cut to the crowd all of the time. Fancams also make it much more enjoyable to listen to a song because the fancam only focuses on one member, so you can watch SNSD's performances without having to look at Hyoyeon.

SNSD's comeback will now be on the 24th of February

As reported earlier, SNSD's release of their single was delayed due to their being "loss of data" of crucial parts of the Mr.Mr music video. SM stated that it could take up to three weeks for SNSD to have a comeback, but now they have announced we'll only have to wait five more days!

“The new single was supposed to be released Feb. 19 through online music stores, but it has been rescheduled for Feb. 24.”

“The music video is one of the most important parts of promoting the new mini-album, so in order to ensure a better result, we decided to rearrange the girls’ schedule,” SM added.

Lol, what did I tell y'all about SM wanting to CRUSH 2NE1 so YG stops running his mouth off about how 2NE1 are some sort of "top" girl group, and survive against SNSD? What did I tell you?

To be honest, I think SM are playing right into YG's hands, because if 2NE1 flops then YG finally has an excuse to disband them and bring out his SNSD-esque, hip-hop rappin', pussy-poppin' girl group

To be honest, YG has some weird obsession with SNSD, I bet he prays to the shrine of TaenGod, so Bom doesn't sound like she's taking a dump every time she's singing a line.

Of course, this is all speculation, SM really could have lost the crucial data but I still don't buy it. To me, it's like somebody labelling crystal meth as some sort of sugary product and expects me to buy that shit. No thanks. 

Coincidentally, YGE has also changed the date of 2NE1's comeback by mere hours to February 25th. I am sorry, but there is no stopping the war that you already called.

This is goin' be messy, this is goin' be good.

UPDATE: YG have moved the date of the comeback yet again, this time to Feb. 26th at 12AM (00:00:00 27th Feb) so it can be closer to CL's birthday! Who you think you're foolin' YG?

[MV Review] Sunmi - Full Moon

Sunmi makes a comeback after surprising me with 24 Hours last year, and in my review, I had nothing but positive superlatives to throw at 24 Hours. Will that be the case with Full Moon? Well, you have to read this very long MV review after the jump.  Lots of videos and gifs, so be forewarned about how big the article is.

Monday, February 17, 2014

An introduction to vocal faggotry, part one: The Voice

As many of you might know, Chuck thought it would be a good idea to put me on the AKF roster because I'm a "vocal fag" and it would be interesting to see how I counter composition fags such as Kpopalypse. I haven't really been living up this title as I've only actually posted one article on here where I talk about vocals - albeit quite briefly.  Since many of you seem to enjoy Kpopalypse's articles on composition and whatnot, I thought I'd introduce you all to the science behind the world of singing.

This "lesson" will come in two parts because vocal pedagogy is very vast and there's only so much text you can read in one post. The first part will focus on the voice, and the second part will focus on the technique behind the voice.

WARNING: This article is text and video heavy, therefore I've added some pictures of K-Pop idols to make it more tolerable. I tried to cut out any irrelevant information, but there's only so much I can do when it comes to a science.

Sexy concepts: whore-clicking, or click-whoring? Also Girls' Generation's breaking sex controversy revealed!

I hesitate to write on the topic of sexy concepts at all, because it seems like such incredibly obvious territory.  However, I keep getting asked about Stellar's "Marionette" video and sexy concepts in general every day about 10 times, so I thought I'd better tackle it.  You don't mind, do you?


BESTie - Pitapat International Version

If you were living under a rock last year, you may have missed some of the best rookies kpop has ever seen: BESTie. While they didn't get too much attention with their debut single, their second one seemed to make a splash with a lot of people and found them a reasonable amount of success... enough to begin overseas promotions!

Not wanting to break the kpop tradition of debuting with the same shit they debuted with at home, yet also not wanting the traditionally associated overseas failure, BESTie has decided to remix their original single to better suit the tastes of international fans. As usual, I have utilized my best connections via powers of seduction to secure the exclusive reveal for AKFG. Enjoy.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Saturday, February 15, 2014

STFU Submissions

For those of you who enjoy our STFU feature but don't like how irregular they come out due to Shinbi's schedule of attending university by day studying to become a doctor and being the world's top stripper by night, she isn't able to schedule out the STFU articles on a regular basis, which is why there are always long stretches between STFU articles. The Valentine's Day STFU was the last one Shinbi scheduled when she wrote all of her STFU articles over Christmas break, so there most likely wouldn't be any until summer break or so.

Therefore, I will take over in the meantime. If you have any suggestions, it's basically the same as the requirements as before. Send me a screenshot of the comment, and linking to the video/thread/tumblr post/etc. is optional, but preferred. You can email me the suggestions, post them in the One Hallyu AKF thread, or if you link to one in the comments in an unrelated article, just put "(STFU Submission)" before linking to the screenshot (upload them to a site like imgur), and I'll look at them.

As with Shinbi's system, I'll schedule these all out so that they come out once a week, so you may have to wait a few weeks before your submission is posted.

SM delays SNSD's Comeback due to "loss of video data"

After dropping several teasers and confirming the date for the release of SNSD's new song and video "Mr. Mr", SM have announced that the comeback could possibly be delayed up to three weeks due to "loss of data".

SM told Dispatch:

"We are currently discussing all the alternative possibilities related to Girls' Generation comeback. However, we are still in the middle of the discussion, we are planning to proceed the promotions for the comeback as scheduled" (this means, they will still have promotions AFTER the release of the music video, unlike what some people predict that they won't have any promotion week).

Friday, February 14, 2014

Hani Can Be Your Valentine

Didn't have a valentine today? Don't celebrate a highly commercialized holiday in where you have to pretend to care more about your bf/gf for a day? Went on a date with a vapid girl, sitting through her incessant talking in hopes of urinating in her anus, but you didn't even get invited to her home? Well, if any of those apply to you, or if any other similar situation not listed above applies to you, Goddess Hani can be your valentine.

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 49

This week's lovey-dovey photo comes from the best tumblr ever: Dirty Big Bang Confessions


Isn't your boyfriend a little concerned over this?

Like, at some point, wouldn't he be like "hey babe, let's try this position" (that would involve possibly being face to face for a kiss)? Then do you just flat out reject him? I guess you allegedly turn up the music so loud that you can't hear him anyways. Doesn't that bother him that he isn't even allowed to talk to you? He must feel like a sex slave or something. What happened to men's rights? Men aren't objects!

Wouldn't he also be a little disturbed that he can only have sex with you to the same Big Bang songs? I feel like that would cause some weird reactions down the road. Like, what if he was in a mall in Korea ,and then they played a Big Bang song, and then suddenly he was like "why do I have an erection...?" You will sexually confuse him.

I just feel bad for her boyfriend. She doesn't even think about him while they are banging. Is that really love?

Today is a day about love, little VIP. Go sareang your boyfriend, not just your oppa.

Unless he already broke up with you for having weird sex sessions. I wouldn't doubt that actually. 




Would any of you FISHies like to be my Valentine? ;)

I hope you all have a romantic and beautiful evening with your significant lover~
Feel free to share below in the comments what lovely plans you have tonight for your boy or girl.

Unless you're alone tonight. 
Then I hope you have an enjoyable and relaxing evening with your cat, laptop, and/or blow up doll. 
In this case, please don't tell me what you are doing tonight.

There are already enough people born in November due to accidents "presents given" on these nights.

Love you all <3



Thursday, February 13, 2014


I'll be the first to admit that Seohyun isn't the most exciting or noteworthy member in SNSD, but come on man... If you're going to insult them, at least remember that poor Seohyun exists...

TOP is an A-List Actor

While I was working on the previous article on Won Bin, I was Googling a list of A-list actors to talk about on the Hollywood side. Guess who popped up too?



Get your shit together, Google. Fix those algorithms so I don't have to laugh at my poor TOP...

Netizens Turn on Won Bin, Apocalypse is Nigh

Won Bin is one of the few infallible gods of Korean entertainment, the man can literally do no wrong. His name would constantly be hyped and media played to unbearable levels, but not only would netizens ignore it, they encouraged it.

Dubbed "The Life Sculpture" for being as naturally handsome as if a god spent a little extra time on this guy. "Alien" for being unearthly handsome. "CG creation" for being as handsome as if someone drew/animated him that way. The man allegedly turns lesser men and women into "octopi" in his mere presence or even having his picture next to theirs. You're starting to get the idea here, but apparently his selflessness (he's been known to do charitable works both lowkey and media played) and reclusiveness (not even Korean paparazzi can find bad pics of this guy) combined with his good looks gives him some kind of untouchable aura that no scandal can mar. Not that he's had any significant scandals mar his career in the first place.

The biggest thing to date was a straight up dating scandal. That would put down any normal celebrity for months on end, but it doesn't even phase him. The man hooks up with some hot young actress and instead of screaming how unfit she was for him, netizens merely shrugged and went about their day. He could shit on a little girl's face in broad daylight in the middle of Seoul and people would be jealous instead of mad. Even netizens were self-aware of this phenomenon, wondering what it would take for people to get mad at Won Bin.

Until now.

"Fuck, I ain't ready for this shit."
Warning: Lots of text, lots of difficult to read tables because fuckin Blogger deletes my formatting
I started off with a small article but it morphed into something bigger and uglier. Oop.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Ladies Code shits all over your nugu faves

Out of all the nugu groups, these girls really have something special. That something special has a mysterious name long forgotten, it is called... talent.

Stellar - Marionette

jits jhgasrd rtop thyp;ew qwio5th ,mtyy6 p[3nmiosd. (Translation: It's hard to type with my penis.)

Wait, it gets better, because if you read the comments, SLUT SHAMING TIME!!!!!!

Tia Lee's Tig Ol' Bitties

Tia Lee, from the same Taiwanese girl group as Puff Kuo, has some nice tits.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

JYP releases Sunmi's Teaser Video for "Full Moon"

Yeah, so JYPE have decided to go for a vampire concept for Sunmi's mini-album and the teaser is well...just beware for the 0:24 mark.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Don't Be Fooled By SNSD's Mr. Mr. Teaser

Just your friendly reminder to not get your hopes up. Sure, the teaser is awesome. The concept looks pretty sweet and the instrumental in the teaser sounds good. But, you have to remember that teasers are lies, like Run Devil Run. Also, you're only as good as your latest song, and SNSD canally raped all of us last year. (How the fuck does IGAB have 84 million views?!)

AKF Psychological Therapy

It's been a few days since I last made an article because I have been receiving psychological therapy. You see, I never knew drawing dicks meant that I had a psychological disorder. I just thought that I wanted to pee in some of these female Kpop idols' butts.

You can read more about the (supposed) psychological disorders in this OneHallyu thread.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

I'm In D-D-D-D-Danger - truth, fiction and f(x)

Fans of f(x) are always complaining about the group getting minimal comebacks and basically being neglected by SM in various ways compared to the label's other flagship groups.  Is it true?  If so, what's the reason for it?  Could things be changed for the better?  I thought it would be fun to explore the answers and possibilities in a fictional story about f(x) fans and their hopes and dreams.


Friday, February 7, 2014

AKF Design Update

Hey guys, I thought I'd give you all an update about AKF's design. As you know, I changed the layout about a month ago, but I did it relatively quickly and there are many things that I'm not happy with. I also know, from people's comments online, that quite a few of you aren't too fond of the new layout either. That's why I have decided to revamp the site, once again, don't worry you won't have to deal with fonts like Paytone One or the teal colour scheme any more - the site will look much more cleaner.

I just wanted to give you heads up because I'll be updating the site over the next couple of days (including today), and since I'd rather not take the site offline for a few days, if AKF takes a while to load or looks different it's because I'm playing around with the code.

I hope you enjoy the new features when you get to see the completed site!

Meta Mindfuck

I was trying to catch up on KPop news when I stumbled across this article on Netizenbuzz that really blew my mind at how dumb netizens are. If there was ever a shining example for you to show your friends how truly idiotic some KPop fangirls/boys can be on the internet, AKF would exist for this moment.


Even SM the Ballad is Bored of SM the Ballad

The song/album is so boring, the people in it trying to sing the song can't be bothered to give a shit.

The boys are all high out of their minds and Taeyeon has a look of utter despair on her face. Her eyes scream, "KILL ME PLS" but no one can hear her.

Actually, the only one who's mustering a semi-positive emotion is Krystal... But that's probably because she's thinking, "LOL THIS SONG SUCKS COCK BUT AT LEAST I'M GETTING PAID TO JUST LOOK GOOD AND NOT SING IT ANYWAY."

That method acting tho.

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 48

This week's photo was found on tumblr:



That's not how it works.

Let me break this down for you.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

KPOPALYPSE NUGU ALERT - Episode 1: Fresh Boyz, Valiant, Cherry Kim ft. SNK

As previously mentioned on this site, 2013 hasn't been a very good year overall for established groups.  However, the nugus were another story with several decent groups (as well as a lot of crap ones) stepping up to the plate, something which didn't escape my attention or the attentions of other writers on Anti Kpop-Fangirl.  Of course there was criticism for this:


I'd spend some time dissecting this docile mouth-breathing argument but there's no need as The Real CZ and Zaku both did a great job and I have nothing to add.  However, since covering shit nobody has heard of instead of stuff from the same old established labels seems to really hit a nerve with some folks, I thought it would be a good idea for me to embrace the nugus and make a regular thing of it.  So welcome to:

(For the boneheads - no, I'm not insinuating that T-ara are nugu - I just think that this image looks cool and customs officers fits the theme of being "on the alert" for stuff)

KBS' "Gag Concert" uses blackface in skit

Wow. Such indigenous. So funny. 
The most recent episode of "Gag Concert" has used blackface much to the chagrin of its international audience.

To summarize:
 ...Comedian Yoo Insuk said he would buy coffee for Song Pilgeun’s girlfriend Ahn Somi. Song stated, “Our Somi only drinks Americano” in rebuttal and, to this, Yoo introduced a group of indigenous Africans from the coffee machine saying, “here is the highest quality coffee brought straight from the source.” Unfortunately, these “indigenous Africans” were represented by blackface.
Obviously many Koreans are unaware of the history of blackface and its connotations, still I don't think it's excusable at this point considering the number of scandals we've already seen. I know mainstream media in Korea doesn't report on this nearly to the level other media might, especially in the West. Unfortunately until there is as much domestic uproar as there is abroad these scandals will continue to flare up.

[MV Review] Rainbow Blaxx - Cha Cha


Monday, February 3, 2014

Soshi manager Chapter 6: Get this motherfucking suju out of my motherfucking game

Today turned out to be a special day in the life of this Soshi manager. I had to go straight to KBS where I was promptly met by Yuri who had an extremely important task:

Crayon Pop: A Mystery?!?!


As some of you know I used to write here years ago and discuss KPOP, women, and buttholes, but those days have long passed and are honestly over. I'm a changed man now--a true believer of Jesus Christ--the father, the son, and the holy ghost--and a speaker of his words. He is the truth, the way, and the light, you know. 

Ezekiel said it best, "Oh to the mountains I climb and Christ washes me with his towel of golden showers and places me on the lake of forgiveness." If only I can get some of that Golden Shower right now. Please rain on me...Oh Glorious one! CHANGE ME!

Speaking of change, I should never have written such perverse things on AKF Blog. What if my mum finds out!?  Or my dad!?! They'd be furious! FUCK!

:( Alas, God knows all so there is no hiding the things I have done! I'm doomed to hell...hand in hand with Hitler and Justin Beiber! Oh well, this perverse talk was just a ruse to get people to read stuff on this site anyways...surely I'd be forgiven but maybe not :( OK, it wasn't a ruse...but I'm a changed man now. No more perverse articles! NO MORE! Bless you!

It's time to stop acting like a huge pervert and just tell you about my recent day with Crayon Pop in a PG manner.

If you are interested and love Jesus please click on READ MORE. If you don't love Jesus first convert to Christianity, learn the 10 commandments by heart, then read this blog post.

So here we go:
My day with Crayon Pop (No cursing or perverse thoughts will be stated in this blog post...if you like that please go to ALLKPOP, do not pass go and do not collect $200).

Richard Sherman's Thoughts on Kpop Issues

Richard Sherman, the top cornerback in the NFL, agreed to give his opinion on some Kpop matters with me after Seattle won the Super Bowl last night.

SM The Ballad back to bore you again

This time with new people

Saturday, February 1, 2014

How absurd/stupid/crazy kpop concepts happen

Apply that to sexy vs innocent concepts in kpop, and that is how it happens.

AKF + Kayoforum

Hello, everyone. Coordinating this was almost as difficult as getting Obama and Congress to agree on anything. Some of you may have seen this up about 12 hours ago or so because it was originally supposed to be posted on Friday, but it was also supposed to be announced well before that, too. Anyhow, we finally coordinated a time to announce the affiliation with Kayoforum.

Kayoforum is a discussion board dedicated to Korean and Asian Entertainment. It aims to give a voice to international K-pop fans who want a place to gather and talk about their favorite idols, befriends fans of their biases, and to just hang out. If you're looking for an active and friendly K-pop forum to join then this is the place to be!