Kpopalypse vs CaptionBot

The latest web-based AI intelligence image-recognition program and shining example of the future of infotech is Microsoft's CaptionBot, a program that will describe any image that you send to it.

CaptionBot is an astounding piece of software that can recognise many images of different things, but can it determine trufax from fiction in the world of K-pop?  Read on as Kpopalypse puts CaptionBot to the test!

T-ara reminds us how hot they are

Everyone knows T-ara is too hot for Koreans to handle, so they spend most of their time robbing Chinese guys of their money ...

Lately, it seems the girls wanted to remind us how hot they are and how much Koreans have lost.

🐰http://weibo.com/u/5696220378 2015 T-ARA Great CHINA TOUR CONCERT IN Hefei 💗💗💗💗💗

A photo posted by S*소야니🐰 (@melodysoyani) on Oct 13, 2015 at 3:10am PDT

Sir! Yes, Sir! Let us pray and appreciate Soyeon's discrete cleavage since she was generous enough to show it to us!

"So Crazy" A Soyeon Simulator Game Thing

Now you can fulfill your fantasy of eating Boram.

I made a text-based adventure game where you play as Soyeon and try to get to Music Core. I hope you like it! Play it here!

+It's Free!

+ Interact with T-ara!

+Multiple endings!

Fixed the link so you can play in your browser without the need to download anything.

Shinsadong Tiger Samples Public Enemy in DIA's Teaser

The combination of netizen tears and little hype there was about this group is enough for anybody to want to check out what DIA will be all about. Yes it sounds like A Pink, and yes, they look like a more girly/hip-hop version of T-ara. But what caught my attention was the homage to PE @0:06, which, I have to say, is very befitting for what MBK is trying to do with them.

In Soviet Russia, T-ara's Teaser Watches You!

Credit goes to @enlargeyourkpop for the image.

T-ara's first teaser for "So Crazy" came out a little bit ago and after admiring Boram's 'Dad' socks I felt liking making a new desktop of Soyeon. That's when I noticed it:

The K-pop vs Electro-Industrial EPILEPSY MV CHALLENGE

Kpopalypse returns with a new competition post just for you!  Whether it's about winning an award nobody cares about, getting to #1 on some pointless chart somewhere or coming at the top of some random dicksucking bullshit list made up by some nobodies, it's clear that K-pop fans love competitions, especially ones where they can get involved and vote as many times as they like!  So hopefully you'll also like this post, where Kpopalypse investigates which music genre has the most epilepsy-inducing music videos!

Mission: Free Hyunaisaslut57!!!!! (T-ara vs AOA – The Final Fap part 2)

You said that you wanted it, so here it is - a sequel to "T-ara vs AOA - The Final Fap"!

While this post does work as a standalone story, it's a lot more fucking entertaining and the various references in it will make far more sense if you've already read the original, so read the first part by clicking here!  For those who have already done so, read on, cao ni mas!

Gain's biblical concept and suggestions for more of the same

I have been enjoying Gain's comeback and I am sure you have too. 'Paradise Lost' is a great song with a moody tone and a moody video - in which Gain looks hot as fuck. 'Apple' is a pretty damn good song with a fun, bubbly tone and a fun video - in which Gain looks hot as fuck (also Jay Park has the most obvious non-verse since any of Jihyun's verses in 4Minute songs).

It is more than just the songs sounding good, and Gain looking good though, these are all important factors -  I assure you -  but in addition to these already positive factors, Gain has come back with a balls-out pretentious concept album to appeal to prog-rock enthusiasts. The concept is based on the Genesis story in which Hawwah, the first woman created by Yahweh, experiences the first temptation which then leads to the creation of free will and mankind's fall from grace. It is a modern retelling I think, but regardless, it sounds like a Coheed and Cambria concept that was scrapped for not being wacky enough.

Anyways, this comeback made me consider the possibilities of religious texts as a basis for concept albums so I came up with these:

Zaku's Top 20 Songs of 2014 (#10-1)

Now that you've had the time to digest my #20 through #11 picks for top songs of 2014, I'm back with the rest of the controversial opinions you'll accuse me of shit taste for!!

As a reminder, here are the criteria for the works selected:

CRITERIA:

• Release from Jan. 1 - Dec. 25
• Korean releases only (sorry Japan)
• all tracks are fair game (meaning not only title tracks)
• no double dipping -- a group can only appear once 

11 written-while-taking-a-shit click-bait k-pop articles written in the last 72 hours

One of the favourite criticisms directed at my own blog writing is that it's somehow "click-bait".  Here I am spending hours of my time each week, pouring my heart and soul into articles for your completely free entertainment and enjoyment, with no hidden catches or ruses, and of course entitled me-generation cuntfaces still have to complain that I'm swindling them somehow.  Of course, I only ever get this criticism from people who also don't happen to like my writing generally speaking, now isn't that interesting.

Seeing as how there's so much confusion over what apparently constitutes "click-bait", I thought it was time that I showed my readers some examples of what I think click-bait is.

An hour with the Music Core livestream chat

As a kind of experiment in masochism, I decided to focus my attention on the chat section during this week's Music Core livestream.

The livestream chat on Youtube is filled with the dregs of kpop — fanwar spam, petty bickering, and all the emojis and exclamation points you could want!!!!

Between Super Junior competing against Sistar and Winner and comebacks from 2PM, Teen Top and T-ara, it was bound to be a long program. Join me as I recap an hour in kpop hell.

T-ara coming back on 9/11

Boram? I don't see her...

T-ara is coming back with a new "sexy" image on September 11th. What we know so far is it will feature some club music. Cool. Also Boram is completely unrecognizable. I really can't talk about it anymore without making some kind of 9/11 joke so there you go.

Eunjung Admits Tsundere Tendencies, Korea Doesn't Want

In the latest installment of "Things We Can Add to the Anti-T-ara Circlejerk," Eunjung recently admitted to being a massive tsundere in her love life.

The official and completely scientific Kpopalypse colour blindness test

I'm colour blind.  Apparently, this is a completely fucking fascinating subject to absolutely everyone, judging by the amount of questions that I get asked about it when people find out.  To cater to this incredible fascination, this post will include some awesome colour blindness facts (so if I get any more annoying questions about it I can just link people to here instead of answering them directly over and over) and also a test so you can test your own colour blindness - with k-pop, of course!

Why Kpopalypse doesn't like netizens - the real reason

There's a dichotomy going on with my writing and Internet activity, that some of you have noticed:

1. I'm not really someone who gives much of a shit what other people think of me, or what other people think of just about anything at all, for that matter.  Other people can say and do their thing, I'll say and do mine - as long as it's not severely impacting the quality of my life in some tangible way, people are entitled to their opinions and it's all good.
2. Netizens (both Korean and international) and their constant thoughts (or lack thereof) about all sorts of things are something that I often think are ridiculous, and I enjoy holding some of these people up to contemptuous ridicule.  Since I've started blogging I have a love/hate relationship with netizens because although their opinions are generally worthless and provably wrong it gives me endless blogging material which I can honestly only be thankful for.

This has caused a few people to ask questions along the lines of...

It's a good question.  This post has the answer, and it's not what you think... well, not exactly.

The Kpopalypse Guide to Horror Films with T-ara members in them

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Dani is a perfect 10

I live in Australia, but I'm not a "patriot" (ewww gross) or a "proud Australian" (bleuuurgh), because anyone who is a "proud Australian" actually isn't culturally Australian whatsoever - they're a fake, a tryhard.  We don't even have people like that.  If you ever see a group of drunk Australians watching a sports match, and the Australians are winning, and the drunks start cheering and shouting "Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi"... those are not real Australians, they are "decoy Australians" deployed by our government to fool potential terrorist threats so they hopefully detonate the bomb in the wrong spot.  If you catch a Southern Cross tattoo on some exposed flesh that just means they're part of the "elite decoy unit".  There probably isn't even real beer in those glasses but some kind of flame-retardant liquid (or maybe it's Fosters, unquestionably not a real beer but a British beer that nobody in Australia even drinks).

(All Fosters drinkers are about as Australian as Taeyeon in this photo)

Pornography and your right to fap: which K-pop idols are dedicated to the cause?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Ra Tang Clan Ain't Nothin' Ta Fuck Wit'

There's been a lot of controversy surrounding individuals and groups with names ending in "-ra" lately, but this ain't shit to them. All the "-ra" folks banded together to form the new super clique known as the Ra Tang Clan, and they ain't scared of no netizen fucks.

How did they all come together?

1. [+544, -68] Clara, KARA, T-ara, Hara. All of the 'Ra' are fu*king rude, it seems.

That's when I realized, "Damn Korea, you have no fucking idea." RUDE? I think not.

You say "hnnnngh", I say "haeeeein"

I don't mind admitting it - I liked Gangkiz.  The "Lovey Dovey" rip off "Honey Honey" was great, and the spaghetti western-influenced "Mama" was even better - it actually captured underrated pop/soundtrack producer Ennio Morricone's melodic and harmonic choices instead of just lifting his most well-known sound effects and square-pegging them into the round hole of k-pop melody, rhythm and harmony (most recent example of the latter: BEG's "Kill Bill").  Sure, they were just a bunch of models, they sunk like a stone commercially, their CEO is nuts, but like I give a fuck about any of that stuff if the songs are this good.  All that other shit is their problem, not mine.  Maybe no-one else bought that "Mama" mini-album but I SURE DID (ask me to show you on the stream next weekend, you know you want to), and I was sad when most of the members then (understandably) flew the coop.

Oh look, I just typed out a whole paragraph about Gang Kiz without mentioning Haein's boobs.  What was I thinking.