Friday, August 5, 2016

Hyuna and The Good Fan

It's time for another Kpopalypse fanfiction!  This one's all about everyone's favourite k-pop solo artist and ex-member of 4Minute, Hyuna!


Picture this.

It's 2012.  You're a 25 year old male k-pop fan, and your bias is 4Minute's Hyuna, because why wouldn't it be?  Hyuna always looks great and has a sexiness that for you is just above other idols, plus on top of that her solo work and songs in 4Minute are excellent.  Sure, she's not the best singer or dancer, but you don't care about that - you know what you like, and you like Hyuna and that's enough.  While you certainly appreciate what the other four members of 4Minute bring to the group, there's no doubt that Hyuna completely outshines her groupmates in terms of presence and sex appeal, and as much as she tries to be an inclusive team-player in interviews it's hard not to think of 4Minute as "Hyuna and the other four".

You don't follow k-pop media much, after all most of it is very negative about Hyuna which you don't appreciate, so there's nothing for you there of interest.  However you do participate in the 4Minute forum "4MinuteFuckYeahGetADogUpYa"(4MFYGADUY for short) quite often.  The forum is run by a like-minded 4Minute fan, someone who like you is mainly in it for the girls and their songs, rather than for then "fandom crazy" aspect, and the site keeps you up to date with all the latest news of 4Minute, new videos, all their scheduled activities, and most importantly, new pictures of Hyuna.  You're not a nutty fan who is interested in stalking them or anything, and if Hyuna had a relationship at some point with some male celebrity you'd be honestly happy for her.  You just like the site for the pictures, videos and music, and you're happy to enjoy 4Minute vicariously (i.e fap) from afar... although meeting Hyuna would certainly be cool.

So it was more in the spirit of "why the hell not?" that you applied for this:


You didn't put much thought into it, you just sent something in because you could, you were bored, and also just in the spirit of participating in the forum and keeping the community active.  After all, it's not like there aren't tons of other fans on the forum who are far more crazy than you are.  You looked at some of the other entries:


4niacation: 4Minute are just the best at everything!

YoloSwag420: Hyuna's fake boobs cushion her from stage faceplants, clumsy idols should take note and "volume up"

You thought to yourself that these entries don't seem all that great, but you were sure that one of them or the hundreds of others just like them would be picked, after all why not give the prize to a really die-hard fan, one who truly would appreciate it the most?  Hey, if you won the prize that would be great, but certainly no big deal if you didn't.  So here's what you wrote.
I honestly don't know if 4Minute are the best group, but I like Hyuna a lot, so they're the best group for me.
It must have struck a chord somewhere, because a week later you received an email from the forum admin:

Well, you definitely didn't expect this, but on reflection you think about it and it does make sense - if you were a celebrity, you would probably prefer to meet someone who wasn't a complete crazy fan but who was just honestly appreciative.

A few weeks later, your pass arrives in the mail, a plastic card in the 4Minute "pearl violet" fandom colour, attached to a 4Minute lanyard, plus some basic instructions: go to the fanmeets, make sure you're wearing the pass, flash it at security and they'll move you up to the front of the queue, you get to meet Hyuna and chat with her for a minute or so, and you get to do this once per year until such time as Hyuna is no longer employed by CUBE.  Seems simple enough, you think to yourself.  You check the CUBE website for the next 4Minute fanmeet at CUBE HQ... spring of 2013, about six months away.  That's fine, you can wait.


It's been a good time to be a 4Minute fan lately.  Their new mini album "4Minute World" has come out, and the feature song from it "What's Your Name?" is doing great.  Of course, Hyuna looks great in the video as always, and so do the other four you suppose... they're no Hyuna but then who is?  You're on the bus heading over to the CUBE building, with your special keycard around your neck and your copy of "4Minute World" in a small bag, for Hyuna to hopefully sign.  You even brought a permanent texta in case she doesn't have one, or maybe she does but what if it ran out just when she went to sign your copy?  Now that would really suck.  You step back a bit mentally and think to yourself that okay, maybe you actually are becoming a little bit of a crazy fan.  But not too much.  You're not going to be chasing Hyuna in taxis or anything.

The bus pulls up at your stop, and you get out, right opposite the CUBE Entertainment building.


You walk through the glass doors and try not to let the imposing modernist architecture unsettle you.  You emerge into a large glass-walled foyer, there's a lot of people here milling about.  It's clear that they're all 4Minute fans who are here for the fanmeet.  Most people are around your age or younger, and it's a roughly even split of males and females.  You wonder how many of them are Hyuna fans, when you notice something.  A few people are looking at you strangely, out of the corner of their eyes, a weird expression that you can't quite place.  When you turn to face them, they try to pretend that they weren't staring at you and carry on talking to their friends.  Hmm.

"You're here for the fanmeet, I see".  A voice behind you.

You turn around, it's a security guard.  He smiles at you.  "Yes!" you say.

"Give me a moment" the guard says, as he removes a black hand-held device from his belt, then grabs your keycard and inserts it into the device.  A couple high-pitched beeps come from the device, and a green light flashes.  The guard smiles again.  "Okay, you're the one.  Congratulations, you're about to meet Hyuna!  Come with me."

The security guard walks off down the room, not waiting for you.  Lots of people are looking at you now.  You start to realise why - they know what the card is for, and they're jealous.  No time to be stared at now though, you quickly catch up to the guard and start walking directly behind him.

"People are looking at me weird.  Why?" you ask.

"Jealousy!" replies the guard, cheerfully.  "They don't want to have to wait in line!  It'll be hours before they get to see her!"

"Wow, are people really that hung up about it?"

He laughs.  "Oooh yes, you better believe it!  We've even had a few impostors try to get in, they heard about the competition and forged cards just like the one around your neck.  They didn't know that it's a coded smartcard that goes through a security scan, they just painted an old credit card or bus pass so it looked the same and hoped it'd work!  Desperate people."

You think to yourself that maybe you shouldn't have gloated on that damn 4Minute forum so much after you won the competition.  The guard comes to a set of double-doors and then stops.

"Behind this door is Hyuna, setting up for the fanmeet.  Nobody is in there yet besides the members of 4Minute and their personal crews, plus the technical people.  Now are you calm?"

You smile.  "Yeah I'm calm, I'm not 13, I'm not going to spazz or anything."

"Good, that's what I want to hear!  So here's how it goes.  We'll walk up to Hyuna, you get about a minute with her, or maybe longer, that's up to her.  Walk onto the stage, there's a table there, sit down opposite her and have a chat.  You can look, you can talk, but be cool, also no taking photos and absolutely no getting physical or the staff will only be too happy to also get physical and you'll be out of there real quick.  Also try not to get in the way of staff or equipment, remember that this is a work environment and everybody is just doing a job.  You got it?"

"Got it."

"Good.  Also, I need to check your bag."  The security guard motions to your bag with his head.

You nod and open up the bag for him to inspect.  "4Minute World!"

"Okay, great, you can get that signed.  She won't sign any of her older stuff though."

You shrug.  "That's okay, I didn't bring any."

"Alright, here we go."

A rush of excitement hits you as the guard opens the door and ushers you through, into a small auditorium.  The firs thing you notice is Hyuna, who is on a stage at one end, sitting down at a chair.


There's various other people about doing... you don't know, stuff?  You don't really focus on them.  You don't see any other 4Minute members either.  You and the guard walk up to the stage.

When you reach the stage, the guard grabs your pass and waves it at Hyuna, without removing it from around your neck.  Hyuna looks at the pass, then at you.

"Come and sit down." says Hyuna. She seems pleasant, but a bit tired.

You gingerly approach the stool opposite her and take a seat, with your bag in your lap.  Hyuna points to the bag, you open it and give her your copy of "4Minute World" which she quickly opens, signs the inside page of and gives back to you with machine-like precision, like she's done this a thousand times before.  You don't doubt that she has.  When she hands you back the album, she flashes you a smile and it's like her face comes alive, like she instantly transforms into the girl from the videos.  The admin from 4mfygaday was right - she is "sexy af".

"Thanks for buying our album, we worked on it very hard" she said.

"It's a great album!  What was it like working with Bravesound?" you ask.

"Same as working with anyone.  They tell you to sing stuff, you sing it.  He just says his name more.  Oh and he always uses the last bit of coffee in the coffee machine, just when you want some.  But better than working with Tiger.  I don't think we'll work with Tiger again."

"Why not?"

Hyuna pauses.  "Personal differences.  Good songwriter, but... hey I appreciate you bringing our new material here."

"The guard said you wouldn't sign your older releases - is that true?"

"Yes that's true.  We want you to support us by buying the new product, so please always take the latest album to a fansign, not what we did years ago.  I can't even remember what I did years ago.  Hey, do you want to meet the other girls in 4Minute?"

You go to say 'no but then you hesitate.  You suddenly realise that if you say 'no' then you're worried that you look rude plus you don't want to make your lust over Hyuna too creepily obvious, but you don't want to say 'yes' either because it's dishonest - you'd really not rather meet them.

"I see you're hesitating.  That's the correct reaction.  You're a good fan, I like you."  Hyuna smiles again, that winning smile.  You blush a little, this feels awkward.  You try to think of something to say.

"I hope you do well with your next solo song, when is it?" you blurt out, to try and lighten the mood.

"Not for a while.  I have to do some group stuff first, got to keep the wheels turning.  Hey I need you to do something for me.  Can you do something for me?" Hyuna asks.

"Sure, anything!" you say.

"Keep that pass safe, other fans will try to get it off you any way they can.  Make sure you visit every year.  I don't want that thing falling into the hands of some crazy asshole and then I have to talk to them first.  You seem like a good fan, someone who is sensible, this is better for me that you have it.  See you next year, okay?"

You nod your head, and Hyuna flashes you that smile one more time.  She waves at you as the guard ushers you out.

When you get home you start a threat on your favourite forum, 4MFYGADUY.  In it, you give a blow-by-blow description of the conversation between you and Hyuna.  You wait for the reactions.  You don't have to wait long.


Heart2Heart: That pass is wasted on you, you should give it to someone who is more of a fan.  You seem like you barely even care.

4niacation: This is lies obviously!  Hyuna wouldn't be this mean!  Don't try to smear her by saying she doesn't love all of us true fans!

YoloSwag420: And you didn't even cop a feel, what a waste.

You look down at the keycard, still around your neck, and turn it over and over in your hand.  Hyuna was right - you're a good fan.  It's better off in your hands than these crazy people.


A year goes by, and as usual 4Minute's fame and fortune only seems to increase.  You really enjoyed their recent comeback "What'cha Doin' Today?" and the group have been very busy.  Fortunately they haven't been too busy to hold more fanmeets at the Cube building, which is where you're on your way to right now.  You've grown apart from the 4MFYGADUY community a bit - you still talk to the moderators and admin there, but most of the fans are just creepy and they give you shit in threads all the time about how you have the pass to meet Hyuna and they don't.  If you knew that it was going to be this much of a pain in the rear to have the pass you probably wouldn't have bothered with the competition at all, but Hyuna wants you to keep the pass so you feel a sense of obligation to make sure that none of the crazies get it.  You don't even understand what the big deal with it is anyway - they can meet Hyuna if they want too, they just have to wait in a queue for longer, if they really like her that much why is waiting in line so troublesome?

It's a sunny day as the bus pulls up outside the CUBE building and you walk out onto the street.  You stand and look up at the imposing structure.


You walk through the glass doors and into the foyer.  Just like last year it's packed, but this time it's different - as soon as you walk in you sense several heads turn in your direction.  Two security guards come up to you, one of them you recognise as the guy from last year.

"Give me a moment" the more familiar guard says, as he removes a black hand-held device from his belt, then grabs your keycard and inserts it into the device.  A couple high-pitched beeps come from the device, and a green light flashes.  He nods at the other guard, and both of them flank you as you walk the familiar route to the double-doors together.  The green eyes of jealous fans glare at you while you traverse the foyer.  You can feel the invisible daggers of fan envy behind you, standing your hairs on end.

"Wow, everyone's so pressed about this pass", you say to the familiar guard.

"That's why we've increased your security!" he replies, smiling.

"FAKE FAN!" someone yells at you as you walk past.  The heads of both guards swiftly turn in the direction of the voice.  Whoever said it isn't showing themselves, they've vanished into the crowd.  You and the guards keep walking.

Eventually you end up at the double-doors to the auditorium.  The guard turns to you.  "No photos, no touching - you know the drill, no need to go through it all again.  Only one change - she's not signing stuff this time.  This is a meet and greet only."

You shrug.  "That's okay, I didn't bring anything for her to sign this time."

You walk through the doors and look at the stage.


There's tech crew members all over the stage, setting up lights and stage props.  Hyuna is seated at a table, there's four other chairs on her side of the table, presumably for the other 4Minute members, but none of them can be seen anywhere.  "Come on down!" Hyuna says into the microphone.

You walk up to the stage, with the guards following you.

Hyuna motions to the two guards.  "Guys, go watch outside.  This guy's okay.  There's much scarier fans out there that need supervision."  The guards nod and leave you both alone.  You take a seat opposite Hyuna.
You don't know what to say.  "Er... hello again!" you splutter, awkwardly.

Hyuna smiles and laughs, putting the microphone down.  "Hello!  I bet you've gone through a whole lot of shit this year, just for having that pass, right?"

You nod.

"Good.  Well, not good as in "good", but... I mean, thanks for sticking with it."

You think of saying "I probably would have sold the pass on the 4Minute forum if you hadn't asked me to keep it" but then you think she might be offended by that, so you change the subject.  "How's your year been?"

Hyuna sighs a bit.  "Not great.  I'm worried.  Something bad is happening."

You're confused.  "What do you mean?"

"I don't know.  But I can just tell.  You know, when you can just tell, that things aren't right?"

"Errr.... no?"

"Well just trust me on this one."  Hyuna leans over to you, closer.  "Listen closely.  My groupmates, they want to work with that shithead Skrillex, okay?  That is not fucking happening on my watch, like, no way, I won't even consider that.  I won't allow it.  He sucks, everything about him is fucking shit - his music, the way he looks, the way he looks at me, he's just a turd.  But they all want him to do a song with us, the other girls.  I'm saying no and they hate me for that, because that's all that's stopping it from happening - my word means more than theirs because I'm the one who puts money in the bank for this group, their opinion doesn't mean shit in comparison, I can veto anything I want and they know it.  I don't trust those dirty bitches though, they'll try and get their Skrillex song somehow so I have to watch out.  I have to be careful, they're capable of anything."

You're shocked but also confused.  "What?  Why are you telling me this?"

"Everyone who hangs around me, everyone I know, is in the business, or works with the business.  You're an outsider, you're not involved.  That means you haven't been corrupted, you could be the only person I could trust.  You've proven that you're a good fan by hanging onto that keycard.  Take this."  Hyuna hands you a folded piece of paper.  You go to open it, but Hyuna motions for you to stop.  "Don't look at it now.  Look at it at home, and don't share it with anyone - no forum posts, don't put it on your SNS, don't show anybody.  But - if you ever see us do a song with Skrillex, it means something bad happened and I'm in trouble!  You must come to the CUBE building - and remember what's on that piece of paper!  Can you promise me you'll do this?"

You're now even more confused.  "Umm... okay?"  You scrunch the piece of paper up into your fist.

Hyuna looks very serious.  "Good!  See you next year!  Wish me luck!"

"Good luck Hyuna!" you say as you slowly get up and walk toward the exit.  As you move back out through the foyer, the queue for the fanmeet to see Hyuna has formed.  Many of the people in the queue glare at you menacingly as you walk by.

Hyuna has you paranoid so you deliberately don't open your hand until you get home, keeping your fist tightly clenched all through the bus ride.  When you arrive back in your bedroom you unscrunch the piece of paper and take a look.


You have no idea what this means.  Are you supposed to even know?  You stash the piece of paper in a bedroom drawer, resolving to commit the letters and numbers on it to memory and to then destroy the piece of paper.  You think to yourself that Hyuna seemed very serious, so surely it's something important.


Another year goes by.  4Minute releases their new song "Crazy", and Hyuna also has her solo comeback "Roll Deep".  They're alright songs - but certainly not like the 4Minute and Hyuna of old, the music that got you into them.  Most disconcertingly though, Hyuna looks different now - you didn't mind so much that she had the boob job because k-pop girls all pad anyway so really what's the difference what the pad is made from, but why did she have to mess with her face at the same time?  She had a characteristic appearance which now seems a little bit lost.  But then, maybe it's just the makeup in the music videos and promotional shots making it look that way.  You look forward to meeting her in person to see what she really does look like behind the makeup and lights.  Surely she's still the same person underneath.

In the meantime you've disconnected from the forums completely.  Sometimes the forum admin chats to you via SNS (just about trivial stuff, you don't let out any of the details of your second conversation with Hyuna) but apart from this you don't communicate with any 4Minute fans and you don't visit 4MFYGADUY or any other 4Minute related websites at all.  The hate that you receive as soon as people realise who you are is just too much.  You've had several death threats online but the last straw was when someone found out what school you went to and posted up all your high school pictures with "ugly" and "fake" written all over them.  Who would do such a thing, just over a keycard and the ability to have one minute of conversation with someone once a year?

For the third time you're on the bus, making your yearly pilgrimage to the CUBE building.  You get off the bus and stare down the street at the front entrance.


As you get closer to the entrance you notice that movement in and out of the building is restricted with cones, traffic crash barriers and red tape, creating a funnel so there's only one way to get in and out.  You follow the approved path to the glass entrance doors and step inside.  As soon as you enter, half a dozen security guards rush to your side and form a protective circle around you.  Nobody bothers to scan your keycard this time.  The room is packed.  Several angry fans start yelling at you as you slowly work your way through the mob.  A couple of young male fans try to rush under the security guard circle but the guards quickly respond, closing in on you tighter and elbowing the unfortunate fans to the floor.  A second group of security then ejects the fans from the venue as you press on toward the double doors.

"This is crazy!  I never wanted this!" you say to the guards forming the circle around you.  None of them respond, they're too busy concentrating on the crowd, trying to ascertain where the next threat is coming from.  You hear the sound of glass breaking, and a couple of the guards shield their faces, as a bottle thrown from someone in the waiting mass of people smashes into shards on the wall near their head.  Another group of security converge on the assailant and you can hear screams and yelling as they are presumably restrained and removed from the building.  You do your best to keep your body profile low as you move with your human shields as quickly as possible through the crowd.

When you finally reach the double-doors to the auditorium, the guards don't say anything, but usher you in as quickly as possible and close the doors behind you.  You look to the stage.


Hyuna is there.  She's distracted by one of the tech crew and hasn't noticed your presence.  You walk up to the stage and take a seat.  Boy, her face sure does look different.

"Hello Hyuna!" you say.

Hyuna turns to you.  "Hello" she says, completely deadpan.  There's a faraway look in her eyes that you don't recognise, like she's still focusing on the tech crews behind you.

You try and think of what to say.  "How have you been this year?"

"I'm fantastic!  The song Roll Deep just came out, I love my solo comeback!  Did you know that it's nominated for Mnet Asian Music Award for Song of the Year?  It's also nominated for Mnet Asian Music Award for Best Dance Performance!  I hope it wins both, winning awards means so much to me!  Please support Roll Deep!"  Hyuna smiles at you, that smile which still looks amazing, even though it looks slightly different now.

"Are the 4Minute girls good?" you ask.

"We're great!  We're all so close, we're like sisters!  We can't wait to release our next song!  Thanks for supporting 4Minute through the years!"  Hyuna seems chirpy but also kind of weird.

"Hyuna, I want to ask you something.  That piece of paper, what does it mean?"

"The photocards in 4Minute albums are so you can have a souvenir and feel extra-special thoughts for your favourite member!  You can keep them, sell them, or trade them with your friends!"

You sigh.  "No, I mean the piece of paper you gave me, last time.  CE:154-D... what is that?"

Hyuna pauses, then repeats: "The photocards in 4Minute albums are so you can have a souvenir and feel extra-special thoughts for your favourite member!  You can keep them, sell them, or trade them with your friends!"  Hyuna smiles at you again, cute but uncanny.  Several of the tech people around you immediately turn to look at you.

On the table, a red light starts flashing.  One of the tech members starts waving to someone.  Two guards come running up to the table.

"Fanmeet over, let's go." says one of the guards.

"What happened?  What's wrong?" you ask, looking up from the chair.

"Hyuna needs a rest.  Come on, let's go, NOW." the guard says as he roughly pulls you up from the chair into a standing position by your clothes.

"Okay, OKAY, I'm going!" you say, hoping that the guard will take the hint and stop manhandling you.  The guard uses a little less force but keeps holding you by your jacket as he marches you back towards the double-doors.  You turn back to look at Hyuna who is completely non-reactive.  All of a sudden you hear someone yell "WAIT!".  The guards stop.  4Minute's Jihyun comes running up to you.  At least you think it's Jihyun.  Maybe it's Sohyun?  Honestly, all the girls in 4Minute who aren't Hyuna tend to blend into each other a bit for you.


Jihyun (presumably) snatches the keycard from around your neck and yanks it off your body with one swift arm movement.  "I'll take that, thank you very much!" she says angrily, then runs off as quickly as she first appeared.  The guards then resume escorting you out of the auditorium.

Upon opening the double-doors into the foyer, a scene of chaos emerges.  Several of the fans have started attacking each other.  It's unclear what they're fighting about, but many of them have objects in their hands - empty bottles, chairs, ashtrays.  Half a dozen people are laid out on the floor, bleeding and writhing in pain, their blood spread thinly across the tiled floor surface, causing other fans to slip as they either continue to fight each other, or look on at the others fighting.  The security guards quickly ignore you and start joining the rest of the security in the foyer, trying to control the more general situation of chaos by neutralising with their fists anybody who is wielding an improvised weapon, with limited success.  None of the fans seem to notice you, you think to yourself that maybe now that you don't have the pass anymore, you're just another face in the crowd.  You decide the best scenario is to get as far away from this situation as possible, so you quickly move through the foyer and out into the street.  As you walk away from the building, ambulances and police vehicles with blaring sirens arrive at the front entrance.  You continue walking away from the carnage as inconspicuously as you can manage under the circumstances.

Once you reach the safety of home, you quickly have a shower, inspect the slight bruising the guards left on your arms, wind down and think about the night's events.  The whole day is too much for you to process.  Why was Jihyun angry?  What went wrong?  Was Hyuna really stressed, maybe she was dehydrating?  Did CE:154-D mean anything really?  What started the fight?  You don't know the answers to any of these questions, and a news report on TV covering the incident doesn't shed any light on it at all - they don't seem to know what started the fight either.  You start to think that maybe it's time to give up on Hyuna and follow other k-pop groups besides 4Minute.  After all, there's plenty of fappable fish in the sea.


You spend a few months trying your hardest to forget about 4Minute completely and focus on other groups in k-pop.  While none of them have a presence in them as iconic as Hyuna, you manage to enjoy watching some AOA videos for a while.  Then something unprecedented and horrifying happens to drag you right back into the world of 4Minute.


4Minute release a collaboration with Skrillex!  This was what Hyuna warned you about, it means that there's trouble!  However, do you have the heart to go back to the CUBE building after what happened last time?  You think about it long and hard.  Yes, it's risky to go back there, but you don't have the pass any more and that was what everyone wanted, so you might be safe.  Also, while you couldn't keep your promise to Hyuna to hold onto the keycard, at least perhaps you can honour this other promise for her, that you would go back to the CUBE building and help her, somehow.  Who knows what trouble she's in, or even if it's something you can do anything about, but you have to go.

Since you have no idea what type of trouble to expect or what you might be required to do, you try to make yourself as prepared as possible.  You put together a small backpack which contains:
  • A large bottle of water
  • A flashlight
  • Some sandwiches and biscuits
  • A small pocket knife
  • A mobile phone
  • Enough money to get a taxi ride home if needed
  • An MP3 player full of 4Minute and Hyuna's entire discography
  • A Hyuna photocard (for good luck)
It's not enough to be good - you have to be ready.

Your bus arrives at the CUBE building in the late afternoon.  You get off at the stop and look towards the entrance.


The building is much more deserted than the last few times you've visited, you figure that it's because there's no fanmeets on right now.  You walk up to the glass doors and head inside.  The foyer is completely empty, there isn't even a receptionist at the front desk.  Far from the mess and chaos the last time you were here, everything is pristine, sparkling and empty.  You walk around for a while, and come to the double-doors that lead to the auditorium.  You push against them and they open easily.


The auditorium is empty with only a few lights on, and the stage is hidden behind a red curtain.  You wander around the chairs when you start to notice a noise, there's something moving behind the curtain.  You walk up to the curtain and peek behind it.


There's a lady here, mopping the stage floor.

"Excuse me?" you ask.

The lady stops mopping and looks at you.  "Hi!  Who are you?  Are you lost?" she asks.

You think quickly.  "Yes!  I'm looking for... CE:154-D."

"Oh.  Down the stairs behind the stage.  Just follow the signs!"  The girl smiles at you and resumes cleaning.

"Thank you!" you say.

"Just watch out for the parts I've cleaned, they're still slippery" she says as she works the mop back and forth.

You nod to the girl and move across the stage floor to the stairs at the rear.  You go down one flight of stairs to a door marked "CA".  Opening this door leads into a set of extremely long corridors, marked A through to E.  Every corridor has dozens and dozens of metal doors on one side, marked with numbers.  You read the numbers on each metal door.  CA:001-A, CA:002-A, CA:003-A... all the metal doors have barred windows.  You look through the bars, every room is the same inside - a bed, a toilet, a bench, a TV set.  They're all empty and as pristine as everything else.

You go back to the main door to the stairwell, and descend another flight to a door marked "CB".  The cleaner lady was right - this is easy.  You descend three more flights and you're at the "CE" door.  You open the door to another huge set of long corridors, with many metal doors lined up along each one.  As you find corridor D, you notice something... it smells in here.  You move down the corridor.  Each metal cell is not empty, but contains a person.  CE:001-D, CE:002-D, CE:003-D...  Some of them are female, some are male, all are young, all are dressed in tracksuits and sneakers, nobody looks to be above 29 but the large majority are in their teens.  As the people in their metal cells hear the sound of footsteps and realise that someone is walking down the corridor, they turn to face the barred windows, and start pleading:

"When is my debut?  Please debut me!"

"I didn't know that wasn't my sweet potato!  I'm so sorry!"

"Let me out of here!  I'm wasting my life!"

"The money from my parents will clear soon, they promised me!"

"If you let me go I swear to come back after my jawshave!"

"I'll count calories more accurately next time!"

You keep walking.  As you move forward, through CE:124-D, CE:125-D, CE:126-D... something starts changing in the demographics of the cell occupants.  The ones in this section of the corridor are all female, and they all look more or less like Hyuna.  Not exactly like her, slight differences in jawline, nose, eyes, etc... but similar.  They all have a similar voice too.  The pleas also change, from cries to be let out to statements about Hyuna and 4Minute:

"Thanks for supporting 4Minute through the years!"

"The song Hate with Skrillex just came out!  Please support it!"

"I love my 4Minute girls, we're all so close, we're like sisters!"

This is creeping you out.  You start running until you get to CE:154-D.  You look into the cell.  It's Hyuna - the real Hyuna.  She looks exactly the same as she did in 2013.  You would be lovestruck if you weren't also completely shitting yourself with fear.

"Took your SWEET FUCKING TIME getting here!  I've been stuck down here for over a year!" she shouts at you.

"Shall I just leave?" you ask.

Hyuna starts panicking.  "No, no!  Okay, I'm sorry!  I'm so happy you're here!  I'm just really upset and emotional!  Look, just let me out, okay?"

You look around.  "Okay... but, with what?"

Hyuna shrugs.  "Dude I don't fucking know, isn't there a key or something?"

"I didn't see any on the way down here."

"Oh GREAT."  Hyuna slumps onto the bed in her cell.  "Well, you'd better do something quickly.  You've awoken the hive mind."

You take off your backpack and pull out the pocket knife, extend the blade and start poking into the lock.  It rattles around a bit but nothing happens.

"You don't know how to pick locks, do you?" Hyuna asks.

"No idea at all" you reply.

"A few of the locks on doors have rusted out since I got put in here.  Maybe you can rust out the lock somehow." she suggests.

You start thinking.  What's so corrosive, disgusting and harsh that it could disintegrate the metal of a lock?  The answer hits you straight away.  You pull out your MP3 player with 4Minute's discography on it, dial up "Hate", and place one of the earpieces inside the lock cavity.   You only have to wait a minute - the lock metal falls apart halfway through the first chorus.  You swing the door open and Hyuna embraces you.  "My saviour!" she says, hugging you tightly.

"HOW'S THIS?" yells a loud voice behind you.  You and Hyuna turn around... it's Hyuna.


Hyuna is holding a metal pipe.  She swings it straight at your face.  You're able to duck just in time - Hyuna however is not so lucky and catches the full force of the swing to her jaw, knocking her to the floor, unconscious.  "DO YOU LIKE 4MINUTE'S COLLABORATION WITH SKRILLEX?  PLEASE SUPPORT IT!" Hyuna continues as she straddles Hyuna, now laying on the floor, and repeatedly bashes her in the face with the end of the metal pipe.  You reach down and try to pull Hyuna off Hyuna but it's no use, she's far too strong.  "WE NEED TO DO WELL ON THIS COMEBACK OR WE'LL DISBAND.  I DON'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT DISBANDMENT, IT'S SO UPSETTING!" says Hyuna, slamming the pipe again and again against Hyuna's skull.  You try to dislodge the metal pipe from Hyuna's grip, but she effortlessly shoves you aside, sending you flying across the cell and out into the corridor.  Hyuna slams the pipe into Hyuna's skull a few more times.  "THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING 4MINUTE!" she screams as the sound of Hyuna's skull cracking makes you wince.  Hyuna stands up, and turns to you, brandishing the pipe.  The other Hyuna is motionless.

"DO YOU LIKE "HATE"?" screams Hyuna at you.

You quickly grab your backpack, and pull out the photocard.  "I'm your biggest fan!" you say.

Hyuna stares at the photocard and pauses.  She then repeats "The photocards in 4Minute albums are so you can have a souvenir and feel extra-special thoughts for your favourite member!  You can keep them, sell them, or trade them with your friends!" in a chirpy voice.  Hyuna smiles at you, cute but uncanny.

You slowly get up and start backing away.  You look briefly at the other Hyuna, her brains and skull fragments smeared all over the cell floor.  Hyuna repeats: "The photocards in 4Minute albums are so you can have a souvenir and feel extra-special thoughts for your favourite member!  You can keep them, sell them, or trade them with your friends!".

Suddenly all the other Hyunas in the cell blocks start repeating, in perfect unison:

"The photocards in 4Minute albums are so you can have a souvenir and feel extra-special thoughts for your favourite member!  You can keep them, sell them, or trade them with your friends!"

Hyuna drops the metal pipe.  You start running.

"The photocards in 4Minute albums are so you can have a souvenir and feel extra-special thoughts for your favourite member!  You can keep them, sell them, or trade them with your friends!"

You keep running.

"The photocards in 4Minute albums are so you can have a souvenir and feel extra-special thoughts for your favourite member!  You can keep them, sell them, or trade them with your friends!"

You keep running, not looking back.



  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Well, at least this time it wasn't the protagonist the one to have a cruel and terrible weird death.

  3. There should be a fanfiction dedicated only for YoloSwag420. He's the best ever troll in my life.

  4. That was quite captivating.

    Now I just need to find me one of those crazy bitches Hyunas!

  5. Well this one was a bit predictable, but the use of violence meets required standarts. 4.5/5

  6. Your fanfics never fail to entertain me.

  7. Kpopaplypse, you should consider writing your own original piece. Maybe something like a satirical take on the music industry but with your own original characters. Idk just a thought.

  8. Most things are better than that.


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