Thursday, January 8, 2015

The KPop Trail Pt 1

Once upon a time, in a land far away, there existed a mystical land of wonder and magic called KOREA.

KOREA was a strange place to be sure, but its people were possessed of a youthful vigor that enabled them to perform great feats of superhuman ability. There were those who never aged a single day past 20. There were those whose eyes, noses, lips, jaws, and chins shrank at will and no one suspected a thing. Some were even rumored to be able to go days on end without sleep!

Regardless of their powers, the Koreans were universally beloved by their neighbors who lived in the nearby land of AMERICA. Though they were certainly not as fair to behold or as full of physical splendor, the Americans possessed a spirit of industry and a unique culture they were more than happy to share with others. In those days, a Golden Age of communication and mutually beneficial exchange of information and technology brought great prosperity to both lands. The Americans used Korean gadgets and entertainment to make their daily lives more idyllic, and the Koreans used American fads, foods, and language to make the representatives of their people, the Idols, more breathtakingly wonderful to behold.

Alas, this Golden Age was not to last forever. Before long, a small but vocal minority banded together to criticize what they saw as the folly of KOREA. The Idols especially, who worked tirelessly to give unto both lands their special dances, songs, and unparalleled visuals, were attacked by the people who rallied under the banner of Citizen. Though the Idols themselves managed to keep their splendor, the vitriol the Citizens spewed was enough to corrupt the everyday man and woman. Those who lost themselves to the hate espoused by the Citizens lost their power, their features morphed into a cruel visage and their bodies were twisted into mere shadows of their former selves.

At first, the existence of the Citizens were dismissed as the delusions of raving madmen and women. But their numbers slowly grew and grew until their vitriol and terrible jealousy became too powerful to be ignored any longer. Citzens quickly overran the entirety of KOREA, and Idols became a small minority. The Idols were forced to concede to their wishes, and the people who were yet untouched by the corruption were too fearful of persecution and of being tainted themselves to speak up against the insanity of the Citizens.

But out of the flames of those terrible times rose a group of people who took it upon themselves to liberate the commons and bring the injustices of the Citizens to light. They fought long and hard for each victory to redeem the fallen, bitter though it was. They lost many companions over the years, but still they pressed onward to bring the message of sanity and rationality to the people in hopes of freeing them from their hatred and curing them of the taint. Sadly, they were like a candlelight in the dark night, and they slowly began to lose more ground than they gained.

Before it was too late, the group convened one last time to decide the fate of their organization and the people they fought for. Deciding that KOREA itself was a lost cause, they sought to gather as many as they could save and flee the country. They placed all their hopes and dreams in the legendary Oregon Trail, a perilous journey over thousands of miles that ended in the promised land. They sought to reach a place where all could live in peace, cooperation, and safety from the Citizens.

This is the story of one such band of heroes, the Anti Kpop-Fangirl team.

Our story begins with the band of 5:
  • Chuck, the charismatic founder and official leader of the team
  • ShinBi, his right hand woman and his most trusted advisor
  • Kpopalypse, an old man whose true age no one knows but whose wisdom is unparalleled
  • FanyPack, a peppy young woman whose outward exuberance mourns the loss of her lover SoyeonFriend in the conflict
  • Zaku, the youngest member of the team and full of an enthusiasm that the conflicts had yet to rob from him

As the leader of the team and founder of one of the biggest anti-Citizen groups, it was only appropriate he would be known as the Teacher for a new way of living in the promised land. Sadly, the conflict wore on the treasury of the group and they only had $400 to their name. This was barely enough to supply the expedition, but Zaku's careful budgeting managed to secure the following:

637 pounds of food was barely enough to last them about three months, but as a proud son of Adelaide, Kpopalypse was confident in his outdoors skills to help the band live off the land. And if that wasn't enough, Chuck was confident in his skill with a rifle to hunt enough food for them to eat when the supply of food inevitably ran low.

The expedition set off in April, figuring it would be the perfect time to depart. If they made good time, they would hopefully be at the end of their journey before the winter set in. Spirits were high, but it wasn't but a full week since departure that the first problems surfaced.

"Oh shit," Zaku said, shaking his head in frustration.

"What is it, Zaku?" Chuck questioned worriedly from his place at the reins of the wagon.

"One of the oxen is sick, are we fucked yet?"

"By Raina's Cunt, how could that happen?" Kpopalpyse screamed at the heavens. "It's barely been 4 days since we left and one of the oxen's gone and fucked itself already?"

"Oh god, it's over. We might as well dig our own graves and lay in them now, all hope is lost." ShinBi wept. "I knew I should have stayed home and kept studying. I could have just kept my head down and been a doctor, but noooooo I just had to go take some wild risks like some stupid college girl." 

"Calm down, UCAADs." Chuck said reassuringly, his handsome face set in its typical cocky smirk. "We're not fucked yet. Let's just keep going, slowly so the ox has a chance to rest. As long as we're careful, no one will get hurt and we'll all make it to the end in one piece."

Deciding that was a good place as any to stop for the night, the weary band set up camp and went to bed with a little trepidation from the spot of trouble but with full confidence that they'd all get through it safe and sound.

A few hours later, at the crack of dawn, FanyPack woke up the camp with a low groan.

"ShinBi's gone and got herself bitten by a fucking snake. We're so fucked."



  1. Shinbi you whore getting bitten by a snake and shit

  2. wtf is this shit I don't even get it

    1. You know that Oregon Trail game? It's this, but the AKF version.

    2. Never heard of it. What's an oregon, it sounds like some kind of rodent.

    3. Oregon is a herb like Paisley, Time and Brazil.

      This does sound like some sort of Guinea Pig Trail though.

    4. And how do people even create these images? Or did zaku set up a whole game just to illustrate this fanfic?

  3. Replies
    1. I'm betting it'll be Zaku. The good always die young.

  4. Thanks again for using jei xD

  5. Kpopalypse's lines should be in italics, because he has an accent...

    1. ¿ʇᴉ ǝʞᴉl noʎ op 'ʇuǝɔɔɐ uɐᴉlɐɹʇsn∀ ʎɯ s,ǝɹǝH

    2. Quite perfect:))

  6. So Kpopalypse is the Dumbledore of AKF? COOL!!!

  7. I could see a K-pop Trail total conversion mod working out pretty well.

  8. You have died of dysentery.
    Damn, someone beat me to it. I wonder how Soyeon Friend will react when he finds out that you've already killed him off.

  9. This makes me think of

  10. lol jungle asians writing about korea


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