Friday, April 25, 2014

Fanfic Fridays: The Unwanted Wife

Being recently ill, I wasn't the most eager to jump back on the fanfiction train.
Do you know how nice life is when you don't have to poison your brain with a fangirl's wet dreams?

There's no clever intro here. This is another fucking EXO fanfiction. Let's play.

But first, I must be transparent. The main reason I chose this gem was for one line in particular written in the foreword.
A line that curiously no longer exists after I tweeted about it.

The Koreaboo staple: Awkward romanized Korean words.

A cactus up your bum juseyooo~

I believe the correct term for this situation is, “Asking for it”. And who am I to say no?

The introduction began simply enough by giving us our protagonist and all the side characters. Here we had our overused fanfic character type #17: The “typical  nerd.” One friend, Taecyeon for a brother and constantly being bullied were all I was allowed to identify her by.

Incidentally, this was the picture chosen to represent a typical nerd.

Even though we know that by that description (1 cooler brother, 1 hot friend, a social outcast) she should look like this.

To be quite honest, I would read a fanfic on my own time if it starred Kuroki Tomoko lusting after boy band members and being socially withdrawn. Someone get on that.

This story however boasted having all of EXO and Block B as supporting cast members, in addition to Lu Han as the soon-to-be husband. Because if you're going to write a self-insert tale, you best go all out.

All of the chapter titles in this were written in hangul. I ascertained that this was to make the author seem smarter and more authentic than the reality, although I am almost certain that they just shoved words into Google Translate. But who cares, look at how cool they are~! Korean~!

Outside of the desperate attempt to make the story seem more official with flourishes and text formatting, the actual writing itself was full of grammatical errors, mainly with regards to the tenses. There would be oddities like,I would come here and just stared at the sky” or “A great candidate to became a school’s queenka”.

The main character is said to spend her time at this park after school while she mused about how much she loves school and studying and helping her family and I just wanted to physically maim her because this was just complete utter bollocks. No one is unpopular just because they are smart. I have never observed that happening outside of frivolous teen romance movies.

And someone please tell me what's “a bitchy outfits” because I might just start a long slut shaming rant about how this fucktard has no rights to deem clothing as “bitchy” just because she's jealous that no man wants to go sweeping in her cobweb filled pleasure chimney. You can't want certain results while doing everything contrary to obtaining those results. There's a reason why Tomoko is such a laughable butt monkey; her mentality is not meant to be idolized.

Going back the chimney sweeping bit, her hot friend now had a full-time pipe cleaner. She learnt this through the most annoying phone call that I have ever had the displeasure of reading. Caps lock and exclamation points were set free to frolic in the boundaries of the quotation marks. Something like this needs audio representation.

Personally, I was offended. Offended on behalf of all calm humans with that one extra hyper best friend. Not to mention, this basic bitch could not even realise that she was jealous as fuck of her ONLY friend. If you can't write a compelling “nerd” character, then don't write one at all. Write about the popular ulzzangs getting the hot k-pop boys. At least it's more accurate.
"Upvotties". I don't know you author, but I think I hate you.
Please crush your head under Shindong's fat ass. Make sure that he farts too. Thank you.


This is the first time that there are so little comments and spazzing over the first chapter of a fanfic. Two of them are even by the same user.

There are lots more comments for the later chapters but I refuse to break my rule and read further than Chapter One. I'm not that masochistic.

My suggestion?
Avoid this one unless you mentally replace the main characters with the ones from WateMote. Otherwise, there really isn't anything noteworthy here.


  1. I think Rainbow Blaxx wears "bitchy clothing". And for that, I thank them.

  2. The only fics I bother to read are the ones on this site and some of the "troll" fics on AFF. For some reason, ulzzangs like Song Ah Ri are often chosen for "nerd" faceclaims.

    1. It's obviously considered smart to get your chin to a perfect point ;0

    2. Yeah, I love how glasses seem to be the only requirement to be a "nerd." It doesn't matter if you're beautiful and well-liked. Got glasses? That's nerd enough for me.

  3. I'm just going to assume it's always an Exo fanfic unless told otherwise.

  4. "bitchy clothing" sounds like a really good drag queen's aesthetic

  5. "cobweb filled pleasure chimney" ahahahahahaha omg

  6. 1. What the hell is a queenka?
    2. What part of the phone call was jelly? I had some trouble understanding any of it.
    3. Ain't a fanfic from those nutters if there ain't a fanfic, eh.

  7. I think the chick who wrote this was nuts.


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