Monday, May 28, 2012

[MV Review] HelloVenus - Venus

Pledis debuts a new girl group who says Hello~! to all of the Penises of the world! Meet Hello Venus and their debut track, Venus.

The MV for Venus seems to be at first just an innocent storyline MV with a smattering of dance moves and close ups for flavor. Oh how wrong you would be. There is nothing innocent about this MV. Nothing at all.

The storyline is about a bunch of sexual deviants going about their days, feeling the daily rejection and social shunning from the world around them.

In comes Hello Venus like a 30cc injection of liquid Viagra to jolt the dreary flaccidity that is their lives back into hardness. With an invitation to a secret happy funtime party, they hope to rehabilitate all these freaks and sexual deviants with a combination of aegyo, sexually suggestive moves, and short shorts to get them to be normal productive members of society. Yeah. That'll work out exactly the way they planned.

HWAITING~! Not FISTING, silly oppas~!
Cabaret line dancing? No they're just some cute leg lifts and hip
rotations, oppas~!
Totally NOT pointing to how those hip pops give you a  tantalizing
flash under those skirts and shorts, oppas~!
Individually speaking, the girls are decent looking. The blonde one irks me though. Oh and is it just me, or does Yooara (the chestnut brunette) look like the lovechild of Yuri and Yoona, and Yoonjo like a baby Jessica? Very interesting. I think Lime's the cutest one in the MV, but maybe that's just the aegyo talking.

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw, look at her and her little crown.
She can sense it already.

The song itself is fairly standard fare for aegyopop. The verses sound like a derivative of the line progression originally used by After School's Rambling Girls, and we all know that one was borrowed off of the classic Lambada. The "Nuguuuuuuuu-oooh -oooh-oooh-oooh" and "Yoooooou-oooh-oooh-oooh-oooh" can get grating after a while if you're not a big fan of the saccharine aegyopop. Not very many complaints about the rap which is a surprise. Lime kinda sounds like Yubin, but I might be grasping at straws.

Don't forget about these guys' blatent product placement while trying to
bandwagon onto their (most likely) more successful labelmates.
As if we don't know they're NU'EST.
Hello Venus attempts to rehabilitate social rejects and sexual offenders in this fairly standard aegyopop MV.

I give this a 3 out of 5.


  1. I still do not see any member worthy to be defiled as of the moment. Will reevaluate the MV and live perfs

    1. Live -

      Ara & Lime are great. The rest... well, trying counts for something, right?

    2. The rest still have more time to prove themselves fappable. Lime is just untouchable like how Kahi is idk wae. Ara is too meh

  2. Replies
    1. After dat raging Sooyoung article and a well drawn flaccid dick for a pair of horns, I am furiously masturbating on your glorious picture, my babe

  3. No, Yooara is the lovechild of Yuri and Park Minyoung.

  4. You say Ara looks like a lovechild between YoonYul and Yoonjo looks like a baby Jessica AS IF THAT'S A BAD THING.

    Also, I don't like how every MV review gets between 2.5 and 3.5. Boring much?

    1. "Also, I don't like how every MV gets between 2.5 and 3.5. Boring much?"

      Ja well. Boring or not, I think it's simply realistic (which is a good thing seeing as the majority of this blog is about anti-delusionism). Most of the MVs ARE mediocre (or worse, rarely better). They're not too bad for a 1-2 but not good enough for a 4-5. That's k-pop (or pop in general) for you.

      Me personally, I think that song is bullshit and annoying, and it gave me toothache with its over-the-top cuteness. The girls are the x-time's rip-off of the overused cuteness concept that makes me wanna puke watching them try too fucking hard to be all kawaii. Personally, I'd give this crap 0.5 out of 5 because some of them do look decent and the rap was alright.

      At the same time, having read some comments on the youtube video, I can tell there's a bunch of people who shit themselves with joy and have mindorgasms watching this cliché aegyo-crap. They'd probably give the video a figgin 10 out of 5 while trying to bite your head off if you dare disagree.

      In the end, that kinda does leave us in the middle. So, 2.5 (plus/minus a point depending on the review's author's POV) is really where most K-Pop MVs are at.

    2. Admittedly this MV wasn't nut bustingly awesome like Trouble Maker or gut wrenchingly awful like Gang Kiz but still, there was so much HAWTNESS from Lime and Ara that I couldn't give this a lower score than four out of five Limes.

      But I guess this is the Zaku way.

    3. I have by now figured that Lime is the one with the funky blue-ish haircolour. Which one is Ara? If it's the rather lovely brunette in the skirt of the same blue-ish colour as Lime's hair, I'd have to agree on her hotness.

      Oh well. Regardless the scores he gives the MVs, I always enjoyed Zaku's reviews quite the bit. Gotta tip the hat to him for the efforts he puts into making all those HD-gifs.

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    5. I think it's been established by now that Lime and Ara are the only ones worth paying attention to.

      They're the new Eunjung/Hyomin.

    6. Like a lot of people have mentioned, most of these MVs are fairly bogstandard. Hell, I open up most of these reviews with "This MV is your typical ___."

      I think this way makes it easier for people to find the mindblowingly awesome or nutbustingly awecum ones.

  5. Everyone seems so dislike Alice. I'm still not getting it.

    And I'm sick of people pawing over lime like she's the rebirth of christ, same shit with CL and bjs. Admittedly, she's good at singing, but not THAT good.
    Yoonjo looks like a creepier Sica.

  6. Short hair can look alright, but in the end it never really beats the feminine look. Meh on lime. I be loving the blonde though

  7. that random fat man who started dancing out of frustration somewhere near the beginning stole the whole damn show.

  8. I find this difficult to masturbate to.

    Jokes aside, this group is hard to mine for faps. The one with the blue hair is cute, but not fappable.

    Also, the fisting girl looks like a man. What the hell!

    1. The Daily Fap has spoken and I concur. 1 lime for the girls


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